Creating this site back in January 2018 was been a major turning point in my life, as it marked the beginning of my new journey, and the end of an old one. It was when I finally recognised that I had come through the other side, and though still slightly bruised, at least I had done more than just survive.
I have been writing since I was 13 years old and I am now 52. It all began with a writing poetry project for school, and it has continued to evolve. It was a time that coincided with my brother’s seriously ill health, and his subsequent death from that illness; and writing was my way of dealing with that.
As part of a ‘Life laundry’ exercise about 15 years ago, I destroyed a large part of my written work, mainly because I finally understood how it tied me to a place, that I never wanted to revisit again in my lifetime. It was also the mark of a turning point, recognizing my continual growth and healing.
I find that writing is a way of releasing thoughts and untangling my complex mind, it always nourishes and makes me feel better; even if sometimes my own words bring tears to my eyes. But I have noted over time, that the tears have become less, even though the subject that caused them still hurts.
In more recent years I have created and written for my own blog, called “Journey through a painful body and depressed mind”, as well as contributing to an online mental health site called “Mental Movement”. Both of these have witnessed my deepest and most desperate moments, whilst dealing with my own issues of depression and my failing physical health.
I have written hundreds of poems over the years, expressing everything from joy, deep sorrow, bereavement to starting over again; it is definitely something I do when I need to restore balance. And they are written on all sorts of things, whatever was available to me at the time when the words chose to pour out of me; so they amount to quite a collection.
I used to say that, “if anyone were to pick them up and read them, they would be holding ‘The book of my life story’ in their hands”. And that is still true to some degree today, but now I also express myself through my art & creativity, and the beautiful things that I create.
As for my creative side, as a young teenager I had already started to make my own clothes, that then led on to other arty interests. However, it had lain dormant for a long time while I was married, but since moving on I have discovered so many more skills within myself, and my imagination seems to have no bounds. This is also a side of me that not many people really know, unless they have received one of my one-off creations, as a gift.
A lot of what I am posting, was written as a teenager over 30 years ago, so please note the date at the end of each entry. However, in most cases, the contents are still very appropriate and ring very true today. At that age, it appears that I was able to express the pain I was in, before I even knew how much damage had really been done; or that it would last for so many more years.
I always knew back then, that I was wise beyond my years, and looking back now it’s almost as though I already knew what lay ahead of me. It’s as if my words were the very seed of my true vocation, as now I believe that writing is very much a part of my future and something I must do. Having read ‘Milk and Honey’ by Rupi Kaur, I was so completely blown away, she alone inspired me and ignited the flame that had gone out in me. Because of her, I put my fingers to a keyboard and began writing once more, and I haven’t stopped.
As for you dear reader(s), I hope that whatever I post brings about a nod, a smile, a tear or touches you in someway. I am only one of many voices, but I hope that in some way I can give voice to those who cannot speak for themselves, just so they know they are not alone.
Up until this point, I have only ever shared my real passions with a few people in my life. But now, because I know how far I have personally travelled along my road, I have gained the courage to put myself out there and share what’s in my heart with the world.
All I can say is, this is me.
I hope you enjoy.