This is me…
Creating this site ‘My kind of beautiful’ back in January 2018, was a major turning point in my life.
As it marked the beginning of my new journey, and the end of an old one. This was when I finally recognised that I had come through the other side. Though still slightly bruised, at least I had done more than just survive. The liberation of Sharon Carter-Wray
I have been writing since I was 13 years old and I am now 52. It all began with a poetry writing project for school, and it has continued to evolve. It was a time that coincided with my brother’s seriously ill health, and his subsequent death from that illness; and writing was my way of dealing with that.
As part of a ‘Life laundry’ exercise about 15 years ago, I destroyed a large part of my written work. I finally understood, how those words kept me tied me to a place, that I never wanted to revisit. It was also a landmark, recognising my continual growth and healing. Doing ‘life laundry’ is something I seem to do on a regular basis. It is a good way to update, reboot and remove anything that no longer serves a purpose.
I find that writing is a way of releasing thoughts and untangling my complex mind. It always nourishes and makes me feel better; even if sometimes my own words bring tears to my eyes. But I have noted over time, that tears have become less, even if the subject that caused them still hurts.
Healing and balance
In more recent years I have created and written a blog, called “Journey through a painful body and depressed mind”, as well as contributing to an online mental health site called Mental Movement. Both, have witnessed my deepest and most desperate moments, as well as my healing process. Both have played a part whilst dealing with my own issues of depression, anxiety and my failing physical health. And both have seen how much I have moved on. (Posts from my original blog can be found here.),
I have written hundreds of poems and entries to my blog over the years. Using it as a means for expressing everything from joy, deep sorrow, bereavement to starting over again. It is definitely something I do when I need to restore balance. My poems have been scribbled on whatever was available to me at the time. I wrote on anything I could find, when the words chose to pour out of me. Now they amount to quite a collection.
I used to say that, “if anyone were to pick them up and read them, they would be holding ‘The book of my life story’ in their hands”. And that is still true to some degree today, but now I also express myself through my art & creativity, and the beautiful things that I create.
As for my creative side, as a young teenager I had already started to make my own clothes, that then led on to other arty interests. However, it had lain dormant for a long time whilst I was married, but since moving on I have discovered so many more skills within myself, and my imagination seems to have no bounds. I have evolved over time, getting braver with my creations and artwork. But this is still a side of me that not many people really know about…unless they have received one of my one-off creations, as a gift.
Some of what I am posting, was written as a teenager over 30 years ago, so please note the date at the end of each entry. However, in most cases, the contents are still appropriate and ring very true today. At that age, it appears that I was able to express the pain I was in. Even before I even knew how much damage had been done; or that it would last for so many more years.
I always knew back then, that I was wise beyond my years, and looking back now it’s almost as though I already knew what lay ahead of me. My words recorded and were inspired by what I felt, saw and heard. It’s as if my words were the very seed of my true vocation, as now I believe that writing is very much a part of my future and something I must do. Having read ‘Milk and Honey’ by Rupi Kaur, I was so completely blown away, she alone inspired me and ignited the flame that had gone out in me. Because of her, I put my fingers to a keyboard and began writing once more, and I haven’t stopped.
As for you dear reader(s), I hope that whatever I post brings about a nod, a smile, a tear or touches you in some way. I am only one of many voices, but I hope that in some way I can give voice to those who cannot speak for themselves, just so they know they are not alone.
Up until this point, I have only ever shared my real passions with a few people in my life. But now, because I know how far I have personally travelled along my road, I have gained the courage to put myself out there and share what’s in my heart with the world.
All I can say is, this is me.
I hope you enjoy.