No more heartache.

No more heartache.

I cannot take any more heartbreak

I’m worn down to my soul

I cannot afford to lose

Any more parts of me

Because I no longer feel whole

There is an emptiness that devours me

As pieces fall away,

Destined to be somewhere else

Other than at my side

Casualties of words, repeated like lies

To eager ears, that only want demise

I can take no more heartache

I’ve been crushed to the bone

Beginning to feel like

I’m meant to be alone

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 9th October 2019)

 

I’m not an easy person to forget

I’m not an easy person to forget

I, am not an easy person to forget

Though my presence may be gone

Memories of me definitely live on.

So many times I have been revisited

By many who have walked away

Only to somehow find their way

Back to me again

I seldom cut ties

I let the strings grow long

Unfinished business

Or for things left undone

They have been touched by me

So, they have to come

Words spoken or not, how I made them feel

They all have a tiny part of them

That only I can heal…

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 22nd Oct 2019)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting ready to fly

Getting ready to fly

I stand here

Feeling like I’m on the verge

Of something amazing

As though something

I have wanted to come about

Is literally, just around the corner

But what I don’t know

Is what it is

 

For a while I visited an old dark place

That was oh so familiar in my mind

That like the true friend

When all else have gone

Remains to stay behind

But it was merely a visit

No longer a place I wished to

Dwell in or hide

It was just the memory of

The woman I left behind

 

Though many parts of her had slowly died

There are just as many that still thrive

Much as I was broken then

I had just enough glue

To put me back together again

Still beautiful and sparkling

But not so new

 

I know I’ve grown, there’s no doubt in that

But how I have done so,

Is what most will never understand

I have grown fresh wings, that are ready to fly

To new adventures and the far-off horizons

That are way, way up high

 

I’ve called in no favours or asked for help

I’ve had no one to lean on and have cried no tears

I have walked alone on my journey

That has lasted for so many years

On my hands and knees, I made it through

Getting hurt plenty along the way

But knowing, it was something

I just had I do

 

I have worked hard, to get my smile back

I have left no stone unturned

While searching for the lessons

Life had told me I still had to learn

I’m still broken

But in a much different kind of way

And though I’m good at ‘mending’ others

With the simple truths I say

All too often in my mind

My life has been in ‘pause’,

‘Rewind’, ‘action replay’

 

I must kerb my kindness, stop looking back

I must stop expecting to hear the word ‘thanks’

To be praised, acknowledged

Or receive that pat on the back

My soul has run on empty

For far too long

My heart is bursting with love to give

But no longer will I won’t waste it

On someone who is wrong…

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

Mon 6th April 2020

Nubian Queen

Nubian Queen

I have finally learnt to see

The true beauty

That lies within me

That as a child

I was never told

Or encouraged to see

I grew up in a place

Where there were few

Other faces that looked

The same colour as mine

That’s what made me

And my kin

So easy to identify

That’s the only thing

That separated ‘my kind’

 

At school

I was still alone

The only black face

Amongst my peers

I soon understood

Facing my enemies

Showed I had no fear

I learned

What I was taught

Science, English

Religion and Chemistry

But none of these

Sang praises

For people just like me

No teachers spoke

Of my history

Except from the days

Of capture and slavery

So how was I to learn

Of my ancestry?

To take it from ‘Roots’?

The enslaved ‘Kunta Kinte’?

From ‘Love thy neighbour’

And other racist tv?

For a black person

It was all negativity

 

Maybe

That’s why I stopped

Seeing my colour

And just saw

The person instead

Because that to me

Was far more important

In my head

If they were going to

Make a point

Of how they see me

Let it be for reasons

Other than the colour

Of my skin

For instance…

The way I dress

Or the entrance I make

For the way I speak

Or the company I keep

Because no matter

What my hue

There is white blood

Mixed in there too

 

So, my life may have gone

In different directions

Due to my folks

Wanting much more

And using their discretion

When choosing a

Suitable living location

They made the most

Of what they had

To give us opportunities

But it also meant

We didn’t get to feel

How bad being black

At that time

Could really be

 

And now I’ve grown

Into the person I be

Only just opening my eyes

To my real identity

I never gave credit

To the ‘black’ side of me

But, it is not just

The colour of my skin

It’s the blood and

It’s history of pain

That flows deep red

Through my veins

That gives me strength

And the power

To stand and be tall

That makes me bold

And wants to be heard

To speak my mind

And to write my words

It is an inherent part of me

Because I know deep down

That all ‘black’ women

Can still be Nubian Queens

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 20th November 2019)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A temporary glitch

A temporary glitch

I am so tired of being let down

I am so tired of other peoples’ stupid drama

After all that I have recently been through

What has been making me happy

Has now saddened my mood.

What lifted me up, has dropped me down

Without a hint

And without a sound

I’ve always questioned, if I give too much

But I know I am wrong to ask

It is in my nature to be kind and true

I cannot curb what comes so easily

Or pretend to be anything

Other than just me

I know I will get over this spell

Disappointment will wash away

My confidence will be rebuilt with an extra shield

My heart will be lifted again

And my smile, with reinstate itself

It is just another temporary glitch

Just like the person who caused it

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Sunday 7th October 2018)

On the road to homeless

On the road to homeless

There is a man I see

That has been brought to his knees

I have watched

His steady decline

Over a long period of time

When I first saw him

He was at the start

Of ‘Homeless Street’

What brought him there

I do not know

But the progress he’s made

Has been long and slow

 

At the beginning

He still had his self-respect

But now

He has nothing left

He’s given in, he’s given up

He has no standards to keep

Because the taste of alcohol

Is way too sweet

It’s takes the edge off

All the misery and pain

And maybe in a bottle

He’ll find himself once again

 

But for the moment

He has let go of a life

He used to know

He doesn’t care for

Other peoples’ thinking anymore

Why should he?

When they don’t care

If he’s just got a box

To use as a blanket

Whilst sleeping out in the cold

How much longer he’ll survive

Is any ones’ guess

But I can’t see him

Ever growing old.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Thurs 22nd Nov 2019)

Note: This poem is based on an actual person, whom I have witnessed go through this process, and it has been very sad to watch.  But, it is also a reminder that there is a lot of us who walk on a very thin line, literally just surviving from month to month.  And this could so easily happen to anyone of us.  Sx ❤️

I, am not an easy person to forget

I, am not an easy person to forget

I, am not

An easy person to forget

Though my presence

May be gone

Memories of me

Definitely live on.

So many times

I have been revisited

By many who

Have walked away

Only to somehow

Find their way

Back to me again

I seldom cut ties

I am not an easy person to forget. Image: 39195241_1855545171188908_1715933924032512000_n
I am not an easy person to forget

I let the strings

Grow long

For unfinished business

Or for things left undone

They have been

Touched by me

So, they have to come

Words spoken or not

How I made them feel

They all have

A tiny part of them

That only I can heal…

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 22nd Oct 2019)

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know who I am

I know who I am

I know who I am

I know who

I am meant to be

It has taken years

And many people

To fall away from me

For me to see my truth

And seek my

Own true destiny

Too many times

I have trusted too much

Believing a friend

To be a friend

Only to be let down

Once again

And oh my God

Does it hurt!

That feeling of betrayal

I never thought

I know again

Thought I’d ridded

Them from my life

But it seems

There are still some

Left hidden behind

I will speak my words

You speak yours

But let my words

Be repeated in truth

And not behind

Closed doors

Don’t make my words

Become yours

I know who I am

I know who I am

Meant to be

I know the meaning

Of the word

‘In-teg-rity’

Question that

Then you question me…

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 4thSeptember 2019)

 

 

 

 

Closing another door

Closing another door

I did something brave

I closed the door

On someone who meant

A lot to me

I finally

Gave myself closure

To something

That was holding me back

Having carved its’ initials

On my already frightened

And fragile heart

I waited too long

For something I knew

Was never

Going to be mine

I didn’t want it

To be mine

I only wanted to travel

A short while

On his journey

To help him see

That there are still

Good people out here

Good people like me

Who are meant

To be friends

And not enemies

I reached out to

Another tortured soul

Recognising the signs

Of hurtful despair

But I gave too much

And took back so little

Never once

Asking for more

And now that I feel

So empty

It’s the right time

To close that door.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 22nd October 2019)

 

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