I will not go back

I will not go back

I have been reminded

Of a time and place

From my not too distant past

A place of sadness

A home of shattered glass

A time of great illusion

And spoken words

Not meant to last

I was left almost broken

When I was most in need

Few had thought

I would move on

Few had wished

I would succeed

Few had little faith

Or belief in me

It is not for me

To prove them wrong

Their effect on me

Was not that strong

But the feelings

That came with it

Were not meant to lift me

Only bring me down

Now they are where

They justly belong

I am free of that torment

I am free of my fears

I’m done with crying

Done waiting for change

I’ve grown now

I have no further need

For that kind of pain

Love me or lose me

There is no in between

Cherish or adore me

Please just don’t

Test and tease

Beneath my skin

A silent rage is stirring

Itching to be released

So careful how you push me

Don’t try to do me down

I will not welcome memories

From a place where

I’ve just come

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 3rd April 2019)

Untouched

Untouched

No one

Has ever truly touched my soul

Reached the part of me

Where the fire burns

Delivering my glow

They have used their feet

To walk circles around me

Drawing boundaries

Slow and steady as they go

Inhibiting my growth

Clasping my ambition

In a stranglehold

No one

Has ever truly reached me

Delved down

Into the corners of my mind

They have scratched

At the surface

Believing that was all

There was to find

Little did they know

My kind of beauty comes

From way down deep inside

No one

Has ever truly embraced me

In a way

That makes me feel divine

They have used their hands

To touch my body

And their fingertips

To spell out the lies

And hugged me close

With insincerity

Dancing behind their eyes

 

No one

Has ever truly known

What it is that is missing

Or what it is I seek

I’m a very complicated woman

But with very simple needs

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 2nd April 2019)

 

 

 

 

 

I am the light, I am the darkness

I am the light

That adds the sunshine

To your day

When your skies turn

From azure blue to grey

I am the one who will

Hold you close

So you can feel my love

As I kiss & hug those

Dark clouds away

By your side I will be

When you have fallen

To your knees

I’ll be there without question

When I hear your lonely

Unspoken pleas

All I ask is

You do the same for me

 

I am the darkness

Casting shadows

In your mind

Leaving traces of regret

A constant reminder

Of a loss you can’t forget

No amount of sorrow

No amount of shame

Can bring back the time

You’d wish to reset

What’s been said

Has been said

What is done, is done

And because of that

You’re feeling cold

And all alone

If you had only chosen

Not to bring the night

I would have gladly

Shared my brilliant light

But instead you chose

To abuse its’ glow

And now you’ve lost

This beautiful soul

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 22ndMarch 2019)

Will you catch me if I should fall?

Will you catch me

If I should fall?

Or would you just let me

Tumble down to the floor?

Would you open the door

When in my need

I came to call

Or would you hide

within the dark shadows

And deny me?

Would you open your ears

And your heart

If I came to air ‘my’ pain?

Would you listen to understand

Or with the intent

To dismiss or blame?

If I bared my soul

Open wide to you

So, you could step right in

Would you accept the invite

Or hold back and refrain?

Would you pass the threshold

Or simply just peer in?

If I share with you

My deepest thoughts

And highest dreams

Would you encourage

Or just mock me?

If I came to you

In need of love

Would you hold me dear

And cherish me?

Could you give me

What I need?

Or would you turn your back

And pretend you hadn’t seen?

You see, to you

I have become invisible

But yet you still expect me

To be the same

How can I still place

My trust in your hands

When you no longer care?

Or ask you to nurture my heart

Or believe and support

All that I stand for?

When I don’t believe

For one moment

That you’d catch me

If I should ever fall?

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Mon 4th February 2019)

I left you, for me…

Do not for one moment

Feel proud

For what you’ve done

And do not believe

That you have somehow

Reduced me

You do not have that power

Just as you cannot be

The master of me

 

Don’t think for a second

That your insincere words

Or idle gossip

Has left me damaged

Or wounded me

My skin thickened

When I saw sense

And I began to self-heal

 

Do not be mistaken

In believing that

You,

Walked away from me

Think again

Who really took

That first step away?

Was it you, or was it me?

Whose back is turned?

Who do you no longer

Hear from or see?

 

Do not be fooled

If you think you have won

I have not stopped

I’ve only just begun

I called you out

A long time ago

I recognised your

Bitter & twisted soul

 

So, though you may believe

That I am lost without you

That I am lonely, at odds

Ill at ease

Just ponder this…

I-left-you… for ME.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(25thJanuary 2019)

 

Before you judge me

Before you judge me

Check with who’s eyes

You really see

Are they truthful?

Are they sincere?

Are they coloured

Green with envy

Or grey and empty?

 

Before you judge me

Sit back and wait awhile

Watch my selfless actions

Hear my heartfelt given advice

Then listen to all their

Hushed whispers and lies

And ask yourself

If I would really

Commit such crimes?

 

Before you judge me

Take a look into my life

See for yourself

That I am content

See that I am enough

I’ve no need to cause

Another mans’ strife

What would I have to gain

By bringing about or enjoying

Another persons’ pain?

 

Before you judge me

Take a good, long, hard

Look at yourself

Find out the root of

What of drives you so

Question the standards

You have set

Understand what measures

You use as your guide

Get behind your true reasons

For doubting

What you know is real

 

Then and only then

Can you judge me

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Monday 5thNovember 2018)

The narcissist

The narcissist

Why did I have to be the one to die

Just so that you could fly?

Why did I have to cry

Just to make you smile?

Why did I have to lie

Just so you could remain disguised?

Why did I have to hide

Just because of your pride?

Why did I stay

Just for you to push me away?

Why did I still care

Just so you could strip me bare?

Why did I take all the blame

Just because you had no shame?

Why did I have to leave you?

Because you took everything

Except my name.

Sharon Carter-Wray

(5th November 2017)

Link to: Ready to love again

I needed you as much

How can I deny you kindness

When it’s so obvious

It’s what you need?

Why would I deny you my love

Just because

You’re down on your knees?

Why would I say no to you

When you have such

A great need of me?

 

I needed you as much

I would have given

So much more

This is not

How things should end

But you made me

Turn away and leave

If only you would

Take the time

To recognise me

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Monday 29thOctober 2018)

 

You changed me

You changed me

In so many ways

It’s hard to remember

Who I was

Before the ‘you’ days

 

You changed me

You cut through me

And left deep scars

That still flow

Within my veins

 

You changed me

With your dirty footprints

That you meant to

Stamp on my heart

 

You changed me

With the memories

That still linger

Ghosting my shadows

Still looking

For places to hide

 

You changed me

You took away my faith

You, replaced it with

Needless anger and hate

But you couldn’t

Hurt my pride

 

You changed me

You made hard

What was once so soft

And so very giving

You spoiled me

For any other

 

You changed me

I can still see your face

I can still hear

Your vile words

And untruths

Ringing in my ears

 

You changed me

You took the best

Of what you thought

I had to give

Without a sideway glance

You turned your back

Thinking I stood

Broken without a chance

 

You changed me

You made me into

The woman I am today

Your harsh words

And split tongue

Only showed you

For the Devil you are

 

You changed me

You throttled my dreams

And dampened my desire

But you only proved

What I always knew

I should have aimed higher

 

You changed me

You made me doubtful

Question my worth

But I am gold to your sand

And just like everything

I slipped through

Your grasping hands

 

You changed me

But I changed for the better

I have severed my ties

I have no more anger

Or tears still to cry

Was this a lesson

For us to both learn by?

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Thurs 25thOctober 2018)

 

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