I have lived on a shelf
For far too long
Never, have I asked,
“Who put me there or why”?
But now that I do,
I am convinced it was down to me.
Either, for my own protection
Or because, it gave a better view
I have watched a lot of life unfold,
I have seen inside some empty souls
All the drama, the words, and
The bad decisions made;
The love, the lies, the deception
And my futile cries
I have seen a lot, but,
I have felt even more.
But each new event
Was bottled up, scrutinised
And then stored.
I can only see it now,
Because I came off that shelf,
It became a lonely place to be.
My God, it took that long,
For me to understand
That my life was really ‘missing’ me
I had played the game,
With grace and integrity
But like a bystander,
Watching from behind the scenes
I knew there would come a time,
When I had to take the lead
So with a good dose of self purpose, and
The great desire to save my own soul,
I have set out once again,
Intending to make myself whole.
My collection of memories
That had caused me so much pain,
Gave me the reasons and the courage
When it was time, to walk away.
Broken as I was, and fragile as I still am,
The most gracious thing I did,
Was to embrace all the blame.
My heart is still aching,
But my mind is so clear
Never will I go,
On that shelf again
(13th January 2015)