I don’t want to forget about me

I have lived on a shelf

For far too long

Never, have I asked,

“Who put me there or why”?

But now that I do,

I am convinced it was down to me.

Either, for my own protection

Or because, it gave a better view

 

I have watched a lot of life unfold,

I have seen inside some empty souls

All the drama, the words, and

The bad decisions made;

The love, the lies, the deception

And my futile cries

I have seen a lot, but,

I have felt even more.

But each new event

Was bottled up, scrutinised

And then stored.

 

I can only see it now,

Because I came off that shelf,

It became a lonely place to be.

My God, it took that long,

For me to understand

That my life was really ‘missing’ me

I had played the game,

With grace and integrity

But like a bystander,

Watching from behind the scenes

I knew there would come a time,

When I had to take the lead

 

So with a good dose of self purpose, and

The great desire to save my own soul,

I have set out once again,

Intending to make myself whole.

My collection of memories

That had caused me so much pain,

Gave me the reasons and the courage

When it was time, to walk away.

 

Broken as I was, and fragile as I still am,

The most gracious thing I did,

Was to embrace all the blame.

My heart is still aching,

But my mind is so clear

Never will I go,

On that shelf again

Sharon Carter-Wray

(13th January 2015)