I keep that beast inside

I have every right to be angry

I have every right

To stand here and beat my chest

Whilst screaming out fury

From the pit of my lungs

I have been lied to and cheated

I have been let down

Believed to be defeated

I have been knocked back

Pushed this way and that

But still I got back up

I have been abandoned

I have been bruised

I have been insulted

I have been abused

And still all I want is truth

I have been stifled

I have been blinded

I have been stunted

I have been haunted

By so many ghosts of the past

I have been verbally savaged

My whole body has been

Tortured, literally ravished

By more than just

The hands of a man

I have been labelled

I have been tainted

I have been shunned no end

I have been betrayed

By those calling themselves

‘Family’ and ‘friends’

They didn’t know

I’d already figured it

To be the end

 

I have every right to be angry

I have every right

To beat my chest in pain

But instead I stay silent

With the raging fury

Burning and boiling

From the inside out

But safely contained within

If I could write away this wrath

Then I surely would

But I fear that each word

That I dare to scrawl

Will burns holes upon the

Pages they are scribed

 

My contempt for feelings

I thought I had left behind

Like doubt, mistrust

And a sense of things

Not being right

Gave me all the reason

To rise up and fly

Words like envy and jealousy

Are the names of the

Ugly black birds that fly by

Up here I’m out of reach

No matter the anchors

That have been

Weighted and tied

Up here, I have no need

Of false-hearted words

I can see through

Many a disguise

 

I have every right to be angry

I have every right

To beat my chest and cry

Maybe it’s just as well

I keep that beast inside…

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Sunday 9^thDecember 2018)