I’ve lost my soul

I’ve lost my soul

Helping others to find themselves

And now that they are whole again

They have gone

Just when I found myself

They left at the best time

At the end of my steady decline

But now I am flying

Confident and alone

But leaving them behind

Wondering and asking

“Who’s this stranger before my eyes?”

 

I’ve lost my soul

In the wasted kindness

That I so freely bestowed

Upon the ungrateful ones

Whom I’ve gladly consoled

The one’s that don’t thank you

And give no further word

Up until now the return date

Of my kindness and it’s journey

Has still yet to be told

 

I’ve lost my soul

Fighting the useless battles

That I have fought

Wasted time thinking they were

Worthy causes meant to be saved

But I should have left them

Where I found them

Well and truly alone

After all not every battle

Is meant to be won

 

I’ve lost my soul

Trying to forget my past

The empty words of love

And broken dreams

By building new foundations

This time one’s meant to last

No more sand castles

That simply dissolve

But built to withstand

Rock steady and hard

 

I’ve lost my soul

Following my path

Picking up the loose pebbles

That needed a polish

Before being recast

A new road they will pave

Lined with flowers and weed free

No obstacles or hurdles

Laying in wait to trip me

 

I’ve lost my soul

Searching out my truth

Only to find that

It was never lost

It was still pure and proud

And within me all along

Why I searched for it

I do not know

Maybe some ‘friend’ I had

Had grounds to doubt me

But there it was, in full sight

Encircled by integrity

 

 

I’ve lost my soul

By bearing my all

With my simple honesty

Letting my words

Find listening ears

And reading eyes

From all corners

Of this globe

Ears and eyes that know of

And sense my nakedness

That most of my friends

Have not seen or heard

 

 

I’ve lost my soul

Seeking out a love that’s real

With no doubts or quashed hopes

Something that I can truly feel

Akin to my own values

And core beliefs

Only to establish

That it’s hard to find

All the while knowing

I am a good person

I am worth it, I am real

And ‘I’ am most definitely not

The ‘average’ kind

 

I lost my soul

In all these things

And yet she came back to me

With a heart full of hope

Of a life yet to be

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(1stmay 2018)

 

Published by Sharon Carter-Wray

I have been writing since I was 13 years old and I am now 52. It all began with a writing poetry project for school, and it has continued to evolve. It was a time that coincided with my brother’s seriously ill health, and his subsequent death from that illness; and writing was my way of dealing with that. As part of a ‘Life laundry’ exercise about 20 years ago, I destroyed a large part of my written work, mainly because I finally understood how it tied me to a place, that I never wanted to revisit again in my lifetime. It was also the mark of a turning point, recognizing my continual growth and healing. I find that writing is a way of releasing thoughts and untangling my complex mind, it always nourishes and makes me feel better. Even if sometimes my own words bring tears to my eyes. But I have noted over time, that the tears have become less. Even if the subject that caused them still hurts. In more recent years I have created and write for my own blog, called “Journey through a painful body and depressed mind”, as well as contributing to an online mental health site called “Mental Movement”. Both of these have witnessed my deepest and most desperate moments, whilst dealing with my own issues of depression and my failing physical health. I have written hundreds of poems over the years, expressing everything from joy, deep sorrow, bereavement to starting over again; it is definitely something I do when I need to restore balance. And they are written on all sorts of things, whatever was available to me at the time when the words chose to pour out of me; so they amount to quite a collection. I used to say that, “if anyone were to pick them up and read them, they would be holding ‘The book of my life story’ in their hands”. And that is still true to some degree today, but now I also express myself through my art & creativity, and the beautiful things that I create. A lot of what I am posting, was written as a teenager over 30 years ago, so please note the date at the end of each entry. However, in most cases, the contents are still very appropriate and ring very true today. I always knew back then, that I was wise beyond my years, and looking back now it’s almost as though I already knew what lay ahead of me. It’s as if my words were the very seed of my true vocation, as now I believe that writing is very much a part of my future and something I must do. I have only ever shared my written words with a few people in my life before, but now I feel brave enough to put myself out there and share with the world. I hope you enjoy. Sx

The darkness still within

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Please take another moment to comment or leave feedback. Sx 🙂

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: