Letting go: 9. Friendship

9. Friendship

I have been forced to re-evaluate some of the friendships and people in my life.  So-called friends of mine have challenged my integrity a few too many times.  I have recoiled at the naivety and envy that has been displayed and demonstrated by people who are supposed to be close to me.  I have felt the brunt of being an innocent target, just because I didn’t ‘understand’ someone else’s idea of “time served” or “group” etiquette.  I have been left dumbstruck, by the efforts that have been made to reduce me at times.

I have been knocked back by comments made by people who should know better, they became green-eyed through envy just because of my own personal journey and subsequent freedom.  They have demonstrated their jealousy without abandon at times, not realizing that it only reflected badly on them.

And yes, I have been wounded by thoughtless and maybe sometimes callous words, to the point where yet again I have automatically blamed myself for whatever it was that had gone wrong.  Instead of celebrating my success with me, they have treated me like I’m a threat.  To what I don’t know and to be honest I no longer really care.

I am a Queen

I am not even in the same league as them, I am way out ahead, but they are too naïve to understand this. I am a queen, compared to them.  But they envy my position, because they do not realise that it takes time and experience to reach this status.  It is not something that can be rushed or challenged…

Becoming a Queen happens to all women eventually… when they finally wake up and see their own potential and worth.

Lessons learned

I am beyond competing and comparison at their level.  For a while I was dragged in and given a false sense of belonging… to something.  But deep down I knew I was never really a part of it.  But for a moment I indulged myself in the idea that I was increasing my circle of ‘friends’, and that my genuine kindness and affection was actually valued and appreciated.  But it was another lesson learnt: finding out how wrong I was!  Got my finger seriously burnt there, only because one person became too insecure and was not happy that I was being so easily accepted.

I have to say that I learnt a few unpleasant but very valuable lessons from this episode.  It crushed me at times and it bought tears at others, it sent me on a time-wasting mission, soul-searching myself for answers that were not to be found in me, they laid and still remain entirely inside someone else.

But it taught me, that I give of myself too easily, I am far too generous when sharing my kindness and love.  I should have remembered that many people are only too happy to drain the life from someone else, no matter what the cost.

Been foolish

I know I have been foolish.  I fooled myself thinking that these new formed friendships, would bare the same hallmarks of loyalty and sincerity that old friends offer.  I was however, mistaken.  And for a while I was willing to question my own integrity, looking to find those flaws over again.

I know I have been incredibly fucking stupid.  I have turned the other cheek, instead of slapping that son of a bitch in the face.

It’s time to stop all that

1. It is time to stop taking on the responsibility of other peoples’ actions.
2. It is time to stop making excuses for other peoples’ behaviour.
3. It is time to stop allowing other people to disrespect me, and I must start with myself.
4. It is time to for me to see my real & actual worth, and the beauty that resides in me, because it has remained untouched and still pure.

I still possess my grace & my dignity – I wear it like a suit of armour. And when I again arise from these ashes; and it will be untainted by their malice.  They no longer have the power to belittle or reduce me down to their level.

It is time to start believing in the good of myself and other people again, and reject any harmful forces that try to steal away my light.

‘It is time for me to shine again’.

Update:

It would appear that my intuition has once again served me well…  Sx ❤️

Links to: You do not see the real beauty in me