Something has cast a shadow

Something has cast a shadow

Over my heart

A niggling doubt, so dark

Is trying to take hold

Making me question

All there is about me

All over again

 

A shard of light

Has entered my life

Only just skimming the surface

But it has sparked

Such a profound effect

It has made me glow

With anticipation

It has made me feel

Suddenly starving

For the love that I seek

But do not and have not

Yet possessed.

 

It is this quiet angst

That has been aroused

In my soul

That has sent ripples

Through my mind

It has awakened a craving

So deep within me

I am almost bursting

To open up and bear my

Innermost secrets and dreams

With someone that I can truly care

 

It is a place, so heavily disguised

It could so easily be missed

But it’s still so fragile from much pain

It is from this place that

I must rise up from again

To stay there, is to be alone

And I have been lonely

For so long, it is so utterly wrong

 

But the fear of being hurt,

Let down, or betrayed once more

Keeps feeding this doubt

That wants to surge right through

To my very core

But I am a different woman now

To the one I was then

And it is her that I must leave behind

I am brave. I am beautiful

But if I don’t let her go

My heart with remain closed

And my true love I will never know.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(8th July 2017)

Published by Sharon Carter-Wray

I have been writing since I was 13 years old and I am now 52. It all began with a writing poetry project for school, and it has continued to evolve. It was a time that coincided with my brother’s seriously ill health, and his subsequent death from that illness; and writing was my way of dealing with that. As part of a ‘Life laundry’ exercise about 20 years ago, I destroyed a large part of my written work, mainly because I finally understood how it tied me to a place, that I never wanted to revisit again in my lifetime. It was also the mark of a turning point, recognizing my continual growth and healing. I find that writing is a way of releasing thoughts and untangling my complex mind, it always nourishes and makes me feel better. Even if sometimes my own words bring tears to my eyes. But I have noted over time, that the tears have become less. Even if the subject that caused them still hurts. In more recent years I have created and write for my own blog, called “Journey through a painful body and depressed mind”, as well as contributing to an online mental health site called “Mental Movement”. Both of these have witnessed my deepest and most desperate moments, whilst dealing with my own issues of depression and my failing physical health. I have written hundreds of poems over the years, expressing everything from joy, deep sorrow, bereavement to starting over again; it is definitely something I do when I need to restore balance. And they are written on all sorts of things, whatever was available to me at the time when the words chose to pour out of me; so they amount to quite a collection. I used to say that, “if anyone were to pick them up and read them, they would be holding ‘The book of my life story’ in their hands”. And that is still true to some degree today, but now I also express myself through my art & creativity, and the beautiful things that I create. A lot of what I am posting, was written as a teenager over 30 years ago, so please note the date at the end of each entry. However, in most cases, the contents are still very appropriate and ring very true today. I always knew back then, that I was wise beyond my years, and looking back now it’s almost as though I already knew what lay ahead of me. It’s as if my words were the very seed of my true vocation, as now I believe that writing is very much a part of my future and something I must do. I have only ever shared my written words with a few people in my life before, but now I feel brave enough to put myself out there and share with the world. I hope you enjoy. Sx

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