Three’s a crowd

The time has come

For me to be strong again

To summon up all my resources

In front of me

For too long

I have had trust in the wrong people

Those who would use my faith in them

Against me for their own gain

I have believed in these people

For the goodness I thought I had seen

But I was able to see their heart

Before it was too late

Before it was obscured

By false sincerity

I had believed what I heard

When they called me ‘friend’

I left a part of me wide open

So, they would always feel welcome

To share my heart

To share what was mine

 

I had not noticed

How my friends’ twin mate

Motivated by greed

Was getting greedier still

That he did not like

Our womanly liaisons

When we would make sense

Of all around us

De-mystifying any motives

He wanted the confusion

Of when we did not speak

He wanted to make me weak

He wanted to leave me in darkness

Surround me in his ignorance

With his army of gullible souls

He under-estimated the forces

I have of my own

He pooh-poohed the existence

Of my previous life

As if I were still foolish

As if my life had only just begun

The war is far from over

Yet no blood has been shed

It is a battle of wits

Of things that can be said

And so, I need summon my resources

For the fight that lies ahead

Because I know

I am on my own

And she is my friend

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(23rdFebruary 1993)

 

Published by Sharon Carter-Wray

I have been writing since I was 13 years old and I am now 52. It all began with a writing poetry project for school, and it has continued to evolve. It was a time that coincided with my brother’s seriously ill health, and his subsequent death from that illness; and writing was my way of dealing with that. As part of a ‘Life laundry’ exercise about 20 years ago, I destroyed a large part of my written work, mainly because I finally understood how it tied me to a place, that I never wanted to revisit again in my lifetime. It was also the mark of a turning point, recognizing my continual growth and healing. I find that writing is a way of releasing thoughts and untangling my complex mind, it always nourishes and makes me feel better. Even if sometimes my own words bring tears to my eyes. But I have noted over time, that the tears have become less. Even if the subject that caused them still hurts. In more recent years I have created and write for my own blog, called “Journey through a painful body and depressed mind”, as well as contributing to an online mental health site called “Mental Movement”. Both of these have witnessed my deepest and most desperate moments, whilst dealing with my own issues of depression and my failing physical health. I have written hundreds of poems over the years, expressing everything from joy, deep sorrow, bereavement to starting over again; it is definitely something I do when I need to restore balance. And they are written on all sorts of things, whatever was available to me at the time when the words chose to pour out of me; so they amount to quite a collection. I used to say that, “if anyone were to pick them up and read them, they would be holding ‘The book of my life story’ in their hands”. And that is still true to some degree today, but now I also express myself through my art & creativity, and the beautiful things that I create. A lot of what I am posting, was written as a teenager over 30 years ago, so please note the date at the end of each entry. However, in most cases, the contents are still very appropriate and ring very true today. I always knew back then, that I was wise beyond my years, and looking back now it’s almost as though I already knew what lay ahead of me. It’s as if my words were the very seed of my true vocation, as now I believe that writing is very much a part of my future and something I must do. I have only ever shared my written words with a few people in my life before, but now I feel brave enough to put myself out there and share with the world. I hope you enjoy. Sx

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