Give me one good reason why

Give me one good reason

Give me one good reason why

I shouldn’t have

Given up on you?

Turned my back, walked away

To start over and begin anew?

Give me one good reason why

I should still give you my time

To listen as you share

Your woes and dreams

Even though you won’t hear

One word I speak about mine?

Give me one good reason why

I should have spent my time

Living in your shadow

Being unnoticed and

Blocked by your shade

When all I wanted

Was to glow and shine?

Give me one good reason why

I should’ve stayed

When everything around

Told me to leave?

Your silence may have quietly

Wanted me to remain

But it’s in your words and actions

That I truly believe

Give me one good reason why

I should’ve believed in you

While you have so little

Faith in yourself?

You’re driven by a fury

There’s no room for anything else

Give me one good reason why

I should’ve loved you

Laid myself out, bare on a plate?

You had your turn, you picked over me

Then pushed me to one side

You had my love once

And now it’s just too late

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 26thFebruary 2019)

This time

This time

I take

To heal myself

 

This moment

I take

To rebuild my wealth

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(7th October 2003)

 

Originally posted 28th Jan 2018

 

Don’t play me

Don’t play me

Don’t play me

I have no time for games

Love’s too hard

And life too short

To still be considered

Another mans’ sport

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 26thApril 2019)

Straight from the heart: 23. A new dawn

Straight from the heart: 23. A new dawn

A new dawn, a new day, a new year and hopefully a new life…

At last, the start of a new year.

Heaven only knows how desperate I was to leave the last one.

I haven’t made any resolutions as such, but there are some things, that I definitely want to leave behind.  I am not planning on giving up any habits as such, because I have a firm philosophy that

“Everyone should have at least three vices for a happy life”. 

Unfortunately, most people automatically think of a vice as something that is bad for you.  But to me, a vice is:

“Anything that gives you pleasure and makes you feel good in the soul”  

Vices

And yes, a vice could be drinking, smoking, eating chocolate – the ‘usuals’.  It could be cutting the crusts off from your bread, because, you feel it makes your sandwich taste better.  A vice could even be that you like to fit in an extra Pilates class, when you should be doing something else.  Or maybe, that you like to lock the bathroom door, and have 1/2 an hour of peace and quiet, whilst you indulge in bubbles, candlelight and music.

Whatever it is, it may be bad for your health in one way, but it can be positively good for your mental and spiritual health in another.

Life is too short

I learnt for real a while back -having lost many close family members, that life really is too short.

  • Too short to deny yourself things that make you happy.
  • Too short to waste time having pointless arguments that lead nowhere.
  • Too short to get stressed out over stupid things, that really shouldn’t be an issue.
  • Too short to waste precious time falling out with people, just to carry unnecessary anger around.
  • Too short to let the wrong people stay in your life, when you know they just simply don’t belong.
  • Too short to keeping fighting for things that are not worth fighting for.
  • Too short to waste time worrying about or regretting things that you cannot control or change.
  • Too short to fret about debts, that are really insignificant in the overall scheme of things.
  • Too short to ignore the things that really matter.

The list can on, but this is just a few of the things that I believe and that matter to me.

 

23. A new dawn
None but ourselves

Too much space…

I have allowed some people to take up too much space in my life, and they have not cultivated their plot, so it has become overgrown with weeds that are deep rooted.  It dawned on me a short while ago, (whilst having a face to face with myself in the mirror,[1]) that for a long time my life has not been about me.  It has been about other peoples. It’s been about my family and my friends, about their unhappiness, fears, anger & their frustrations; their wars, their problems and their issues etc.

Letting them go!

Having recognised this painful truth, and as much as I may love them, some of these people have done me more harm than good, and they need to go or have their role reduced.  They have often been a huge drain on my resources, almost making me topple under the weight of their burdens.  I have allowed them to take so much time away from me, forcing me to rush through ‘my’ day, never having time to sit and reflect on my own concerns.  So now, one thing I know I can do to improve my health and my life, is to start letting them go; in order to reclaim my time back.  It is definitely a new dawn…

23. A new dawn
Meeting-people

So, I have decided that this year, is going to be ‘MY’ time.  I will spend more time focusing on the things that make me happy, or feel good, and really look after myself and my needs.  One thing I know for sure, is that I will no longer spend time with people, who have no time for me.

I just want to laugh, to dance and sing!

I am fully prepared to embrace this new year, and I am actually excited by the many possibilities that lie ahead!

Sharon Carter-Wray

(1st January 2015)

Update:

Much as I was so determined 4 years ago, ‘the update’ is I have to confess, that I am still guilty of holding on to some people/things for far too long.  Got my fingers burnt again flying to close to the sun, but this time I already had my eyes open, so I knew what was coming.

In the last 18 months my integrity has been tested, by many who were supposed to be close family and friends.  They have also tested my loyalty and my patience, to such a degree, I have been forced to turn around and walk away from them; so another update to my social circle.  I have zero tolerance for insincerity, that I know, and at times I am so aware of my solitude.  But I would rather have that, than be drowned in a sea of negativity, weighted down by someone else’s bricks.

But in spite of all that, I am a much happier person for it.  And even though, I am soon to be 54, life still has many more lessons for me to learn.  And no doubt a few more mountains for me to climb… Sx ❤️

Links to: I am enough

[1] Face to face in a mirror, an exercise I do on a regular basis and recommend to anyone who is going through any kind of emotional crisis, when you lose sight of who you really are.  It’s not easy to do at first, because it something quite alien to us.  But once you start to practise it, you begin to see yourself in a different way, and are able to give yourself a “pep talk”.

Letting go: 9. Friendship

9. Friendship

I have been forced to re-evaluate some of the friendships and people in my life.  So-called friends of mine have challenged my integrity a few too many times.  I have recoiled at the naivety and envy that has been displayed and demonstrated by people who are supposed to be close to me.  I have felt the brunt of being an innocent target, just because I didn’t ‘understand’ someone else’s idea of “time served” or “group” etiquette.  I have been left dumbstruck, by the efforts that have been made to reduce me at times.

Letting go: 9. Friendship

I have been knocked back by comments made by people who should know better, they became green-eyed through envy just because of my own personal journey and subsequent freedom.  They have demonstrated their jealousy without abandon at times, not realizing that it only reflected badly on them.

And yes, I have been wounded by thoughtless and maybe sometimes callous words, to the point where yet again I have automatically blamed myself for whatever it was that had gone wrong.  Instead of celebrating my success with me, they have treated me like I’m a threat.  To what I don’t know and to be honest I no longer really care.

I am a Queen

I am not even in the same league as them, I am way out ahead, but they are too naïve to understand this. I am a queen, compared to them.  But they envy my position, because they do not realise that it takes time and experience to reach this status.  It is not something that can be rushed or challenged…

Becoming a Queen happens to all women eventually… when they finally wake up and see their own potential and worth.

Letting go: 9. Friendship

Lessons learned

I am beyond competing and comparison at their level.  For a while I was dragged in and given a false sense of belonging… to something.  But deep down I knew I was never really a part of it.  But for a moment I indulged myself in the idea that I was increasing my circle of ‘friends’, and that my genuine kindness and affection was actually valued and appreciated.  But it was another lesson learnt: finding out how wrong I was!  Got my finger seriously burnt there, only because one person became too insecure and was not happy that I was being so easily accepted.

I have to say that I learnt a few unpleasant but very valuable lessons from this episode.  It crushed me at times and it bought tears at others, it sent me on a time-wasting mission, soul-searching myself for answers that were not to be found in me, they laid and still remain entirely inside someone else.

But it taught me, that I give of myself too easily, I am far too generous when sharing my kindness and love.  I should have remembered that many people are only too happy to drain the life from someone else, no matter what the cost.

Been foolish

I know I have been foolish.  I fooled myself thinking that these new formed friendships, would bare the same hallmarks of loyalty and sincerity that old friends offer.  I was however, mistaken.  And for a while I was willing to question my own integrity, looking to find those flaws over again.

Letting go: 9. Friendship

I know I have been incredibly fucking stupid.  I have turned the other cheek, instead of slapping that son of a bitch in the face.

It’s time to stop all that

  1. It is time to stop taking on the responsibility of other peoples’ actions.
  2. It is time to stop making excuses for other peoples’ behaviour.
  3. It is time to stop allowing other people to disrespect me, and I must start with myself.
  4. It is time to for me to see my real & actual worth, and the beauty that resides in me, because it has remained untouched and still pure.

I still possess my grace & my dignity – I wear it like a suit of armour. And when I again arise from these ashes; and it will be untainted by their malice.  They no longer have the power to belittle or reduce me down to their level.

It is time to start believing in the good of myself and other people again, and reject any harmful forces that try to steal away my light.

‘It is time for me to shine again’.

9. Friendship. Photo from: https://www.instagram.com/jillwellingtonphotography/
It’s time to shine again

Update:

It would appear that my intuition has once again served me well…  Sx ❤️

Links to: You do not see the real beauty in me

Straight from the heart: 22. Twelve months is a long time…

Straight from the heart: 22. Twelve months is a long time…

In anyone’s book, but it has felt like a life time to me.

12 months ago, my ex-husband made my life an absolute misery.  He pushed me to the point that I started to look at divorce proceedings.  This was in spite of the fact that, he was the one that first mentioned the word.  He was so adamant whilst in a fit of rage (of course), that that was what he wanted.  (But as usual he had the words, but was not willing to spend any money to carry it out).  That rage was directed, point blank, at me.  I guess he wanted a response… but not the one he got…

Because at that moment time, I couldn’t have been happier.

The best thing

No matter how my spirit might have felt crushed, those words lifted me right back up there.  It was the best thing, it felt like my soul had finally been released.  I knew at that precise moment I would fly again.  However, I also knew that until that day came and I had a piece of paper in my hand, I would have to bide my time… and deal with whatever he was going to throw at me.

Twelve months is a long time

It hasn’t been a nice year.  In fact, I think this may be my worst year ever.  With so much going against me, I wonder now, how it is that I have come through this… and keep a smile still on my face.

Because it hasn’t been easy.  I have been really battling with my illness the year, it has been a struggle at times, to even be on my feet.  And most of this is due to the constant stress within my home and an excess of outside pressures.

This year has been a huge turning point in my life, I have learned so much, felt so much and hurt so much.  But I also know, that all this stuff, will help to build the foundations for my new life.

Wylie Coyote

I won’t go into the details about what brought my ex and I to that juncture, as it means having to think and talk about him.  And to be honest that’s the last thing I need or want to do.  But what I will say is, to my knowledge I have never applied the “C” word to a person, until it became very apt for him!  I used to refer to him as “Mister”, pretty nondescript and indifferent.  Then I began calling him ‘Jekyll and Hyde’, because of his dual personality.  After that, I named him “Wylie Coyote”, because just like Wylie, whatever shit he pulled on me, it only backfired!

But now and forever more, I affectionately refer to him as “Fuckface”, which seems to be very fitting.  I was particularly pleased when Facebook came up with a definition for the word “Fuckface”, because it defined him perfectly!

I can’t find the post itself, but here’s the definition: “Fuckface”, a person who’s face upon immediately seeing, you just want to smack!

Twelve months is a long time

I also don’t want to be an embittered woman, complaining about how a man has done her wrong!  I definitely don’t want to take that thought into a new year, that’s not how I roll.

But this year has brought about many things, that I thought I would never bear witness to, but they all serve as an important lesson for my future.  I lost whatever little care or affection that I still held for him a long time ago.  Sadly, I also lost what little respect I had for him; but that wasn’t difficult, because he had no respect for himself.

Gift horses

Fuckface never knew how to be thankful.  In fact he lacked any feeling for anything, unless it was a real passion of his.  But to his regret, all too often he went too far for his own good. He stared straight down the gullet of the many gift horses I presented, never understanding genuine and uninhibited kindness for what it was.  EVERYTHING, was taken, eaten up selfishly and greedily, it really was a disgusting sight to watch.  It’s a shame he didn’t have the same gusto, when it came to his responsibilities, but hey ho!

But, as I have said before, I blame myself, because I allowed it to continue.  End of.**

The end

Finally, my divorce came through on Tuesday, October 22nd, even though I didn’t find out until two days later.  It marked the end of an eighteen year long relationship, one that should never have got this far and/or have ended long before. It was the end of any kindness or concessions.  It was the end of financial burden and attachment.  It cost me dearly.  I have lost more money than I have gained, but it didn’t matter to me, because quite simply:

Money has never been my king.  

So many friends suggested I held out for more or that I shouldn’t have given in, but they didn’t know the pain I was in.  In the end, I opted for the “I just want to be done with this” attitude, to me, not being attached to him and starting over was far more imperative than what I was leaving behind or losing.  After all, I was never going to get it back, was I?  However, any celebrations were short lived, because my status might have changed, but not my circumstances.  They were still very much the same!

So instead, I became internally stronger, and remained graceful and dignified at all times.  I think that got to him more, because I simply did not respond to his angry words and threats any more.  Which in turn, made my life easier.

From home to house

Our house, is another story.  I put my blood, sweat and tears into creating a fabulous space, I called home.  But it soon reverted from home to house, it was no longer my ‘home’ as emotionally and mentally I had already left.  It’s been on the market since Feb this year, and we had a sale within the first few days.  It looked like everything was going to be sorted.  However, I didn’t bank on Fuckface sinking so low, and being the complete and utter t**t that he is!

Long story, short, we had a sale, he refused to sign the property papers agreeing to it, so 4 and a half months later, buyers lost interest, and found somewhere else.  His reasons for doing this?   Well, besides blackmailing me with a list of conditions, your guess is as good as mine.  It intrigues me more, because he was the one who bullied me into selling it in the first place!  See why I called him Wylie?  But I guess he must have thought he was being really clever.

Twelve months

But anyway, I began by saying that 12 months is a long time, because it feels like this has all happened day by day, frame by frame, in slow-motion.  Remembering how I felt back then… almost, but not quite broken.

The moment it changed

I so needed to take control again, bit by bit and piece by piece.  Slowly picking up fragments of myself that had been lost on the wayside.  I have felt and been so alone at times.  But solitude gave me what I needed – time.  Time to inspect and search through all my broken pieces, and discard the fragments that were putrid.  There has been no outside influence or interference in the process, it was just down to me.  Muddling my way through my mind, and as usual making sense of it all, seeing the answers I couldn’t find before.

All I need now, is for the house to be sold again, this is my one true wish for this next year.  Because it will finally mean that I can finally sever all my links with Fuckface and move on.

After all it’s been over 2 years since our marriage ended, and two months since our divorce, I think it’s more than time now.

Sharon Carter-Wray

(30thDecember 2014

Update:

These days, he doesn’t come to mind, unless I recognise similar patterns and behaviours in someone else.  And when that has happened, it has felt like a rude re-awakening, with trumpets and bells sounding out the arrival of red flags.

I know when wrote this, I was in a really bad way and in a very bad place.  How I managed to keep my resolve and find strength throughout this time, is still a mystery to me.  I can honestly say that whole episode has never once brought tears, even though I have often felt that way.  I guess after so many years, it was anger and contempt that I felt most, I didn’t have any tears for him.

But now it has been over 4 years since I started again, I am happy with who I am, and where I’m at in my life.

The only regret I have is that I should have done it so much sooner. Sx ❤️

** I’ve have since addressed this!

Links to The narcissist and Untouched

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just another box

Just another box

So many times

I have searched

And sorted

The corners of my mind

Rearranging pieces

To find a better fit

Attempting to create

A different picture

That is far

From the truth

Brightly coloured

Shards of glass

Though pretty

Still draw blood

Flaunting my mistakes

In spite of

My wearing gloves

They did not come

From a place of love

So many bad things

Have been packed away

In boxes labelled

‘Closure’, ‘What the Hell?’ or

Simply ‘Not today’

Boxes, that I hope

I will never reason to

Ever open again

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 17thMay 2019)

Link to: Life laundry

 

 

It is a heavy thing…

It is a heavy thing…

Don’t know where to begin

But it is a heavy thing

Weighing on my mind

Words that should be said

Feel heavy

And falter on my tongue

Remaining unspoken

Upon my lips

And silent

Within my heart instead

 

It is a heavy thing I bear

The weight of others’ woes

When none of them

Ever enquire

About my own

But I am to care

Feel their weight

Feel sadness, pity

And empathise

Obviously

Appearing whole –

Complete in their eyes

 

It is a heavy thing

That I hold deep inside

There’s little appeal

When I see their

Concern for others

And the motives

That lie behind

It is a heavy thing

That they will never see

My torment

Or the tears

I dare not cry

 

It is a heavy thing

To not say

How I really feel

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Thurs 9thMay 2019)

Link to: Letting go…

 

 

 

I am enough

I am enough

I am enough

I do not need to be told

No man will complete me

No money will

Make me whole

 

I am enough

As I stand here

So mighty, so tall

Many have tried

To break me

Many more have failed

Thinking I need them

To blow wind in my sails

 

I am enough

I have nothing to prove

And just as equally

I have nothing to lose

 

I am enough

See that I am a Queen

For that is whom

I have become

I need no crown

No sparkly jewels

I am armoured plated

By life’s unfair rules

 

I am enough

I am strong and proud

And like a true warrior woman

I will shout this out loud

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(6th January 2018)

Links to:

Artwork: I am enough

Blog: A new dawn

 

Still waiting

Still waiting

I’m still waiting

For the day to come

When I will

Rise up and be free

Of all the mental chains

That still restrain me

I’m still craving

Patiently and longingly,

For that special

Kind of love

People speak of

So openly

I’m still waiting

Desperately

For that someone

Who is my soul mate

My mirror image

One who will confirm

We are meant to be

I’m still waiting

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 26thApril 2019)

 

Letting go: 8.  Romance

Letting go: 8.  Romance

Romance etc, has been on the back burner for some time now.  However, there have been moments with online dating sites, when I thought I was ready to take that particular leap of faith again, only to find myself hot-footing it back again.  So may be I am not quite ready to go down that romantic path or find love again just yet!

Being fragile

It’s obvious to me, why there are still many fragile parts of me, that still feel raw and very vulnerable.  No one, is left untouched or unmarked after leaving a long relationship, especially if it was an unhappy one.  But to many, my pretty face and smile is enough to have hidden away all my heartache. UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_12b

It has made me into a very different woman, not one to openly expose the lack of romance in my heart or broadcast my sadness.  I am not as accepting or as tolerant as I was before.  Going through the motions, just for the sake of being with someone, is not me, things have to be real.  Enough time has already been wasted with the wrong people, I don’t anyone to drain me anymore.  I am a grown woman after all and I’m in need of love!

Dating sites

Time spent on dating sites, have been nothing but soul destroying and have further disillusioned me.  What does it really say about us?  Why is it that we have to resort to online sites to find romance, companionship, love or whatever it is you might be looking for?  I have seen thousands of faces and read thousands of profiles, but only a handful have ever sparked my interest; and even fewer have really turned my head.  But none of them, have actually been who they say they were.  They have all ended up being a bit wolfish in spite of their cute ‘lamb’ disguise.

The ones who have taken a chance and messaged, have been rude, derogatory or haven’t read my profile beforehand.  If they had, they would clearly see that because of intention, height, age or location, they are unsuitable.  Nevertheless, they still the take the chance anyway and believe there is a possibility of a relationship… of any kind.  Maybe they think they’ll catch me on a good day, when romance is high on my agenda and I might overlook such important details!

UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_93I have given dating sites a good go, but I haven’t quite lost faith that I will find my true love.  For me, all my senses need to be fired up.  I won’t get that feeling from a photograph or a few lines.   I have to meet someone, size them up and feel their vibes, otherwise there is nothing.

No more kissing toads

When I first signed up on a dating site, I did so whole-heartedly.  Unfortunately, it didn’t take long before disappointment set in.  I didn’t find love or romance, but something else entirely.  I have to confess I am not prepared to kiss any more frogs or toads.  So for the moment, I will leave things to chance and hope I meet someone the old-fashioned way.

It will happen, when it’s the right time for it to happen, and there’s no point in rushing or pushing myself to be ready, before I actually am.  So, I will patiently wait for my Prince to come along… who will hopefully romance me the way I like.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(31stDecember 2016)

 

Update:

In spite of my feelings about using online dating sites, I continued to persevere.  Even though I haven’t met my so-called “Mr Right” yet, I still have a romantic belief that there’s a possibility that he’s out there.

They want to chat forever, but never meet…

Over the last couple of years, I have engaged in a variety of conversations with a variety of different men.  Some chats were cut short very quickly, some eventually fizzled out, and some the conversation is still going.  However, regardless of the nature, so far none have led me any closer to what it is I seek.  Love and romance still elude me, as it seems they want to chat forever, but never meet… I still can’t get my head round that!

I am neither expecting or looking for a guy to charm me, wine and dine me, or financially take care of me.  But what I do expect is for them to respect me.  Using dating sites have been both very frustrating experience and a real eye-opener at the same time.  Having been off the market for so long, it has certainly taught me an awful lot about men.   In turn, I also recognise that there is a lot of behaviour I will no longer tolerate or accept.  In particular narcissism, ignorance and arrogance.  I am not saying that I am anything special, but I do know that I am far from being an average kind of woman.  One who is fully aware of what I bring to the table, and what I’m not looking for.

I know my own worth.

I could be so many things

There have many requests made of me for anonymous sex, to be a dominatrix, to be a mistress, a booty call. I have even been offered money to spend a night with someone.  I could be so many things, but this that’s not what I’m looking for.  If I took up every offer of sex, I could be a very busy, tired but busy gal.  I have received numerous unrequested ‘intimate’ photos, as though somehow a ‘dick shot’ will suddenly change my mind!  But now, I return the same favour, if a guy sends me a photo of dick, I send him a photo of another mans’ dick, and see how they like it.  It’s worked an absolute treat so far!

Hiding

I don’t want to sound anti-men, far from it, but online dating sites have changed how people interact with easy other.  People become brave, because they are hiding behind a screen, it’s gives a false sense of confidence, as if anything goes.  Men who would normally never approach me, some as young as 18, are all willing to give it shot.  If only they would just take a few moments to read my profile, it would save both their energy and effort.  I have even had arguments with guys, who refuse to accept the fact that I am not interested in them.  The type who turn nasty, because they can’t deal with rejection, even though it’s for obvious reasons like location, height, age etc.

But I’ve had enough of guys thinking that just because they are not in front of me, it doesn’t matter how they behave toward or speak to me.  Some have been down right rude and perverse, but it makes me smile to think they actually believe their approach might work.   However,  I am always polite and respond in a nice way, one they can clearly understand.

There have been a couple of guys, who have broken the surface of my skin, but few have resulted in actual meeting.  So here I sit, still alone for the moment but still looking.  I will not give up looking or stop hoping.

He who is meant for me, is still out there… Sx ❤️

(5th April 2019)

Go

Go

Go

Fly so high

Set yourself free

Do not be held back

By another’s mediocrity

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 24th April 2019)

 

Damaged

Damaged

No one can see

The real damage

That has been done to me

I do not wear it

Boldly on my sleeve

I am not looking

For kindness

Or empathy

I know who I am

It’s not what I need

But just because

You can’t see my pain

Doesn’t mean

It isn’t there

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 24thApril 2019)

Cravings

Cravings

I crave for something

So simple

Yet so hard to find

A man who wants and needs

Not just my body

But also my mind

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 24thApril 2019)

 

 

Restless in my mind

Restless

In my mind

There are many questions

That rest uneasy

In my soul

But doubting myself

Is not one of them

I see myself

In another’s eyes

And wonder

What do they need from me?

What purpose do I serve?

Is it one

That I would be happy

To compromise?

Or make a sacrifice again?

If it means me

Being less than I am

Right now?

Sometimes

The moment has passed

Sometimes it never comes

And I feel restless

Caught somewhere

In between the lines

Of words spoken

And unsaid

Asking myself

Should I leave well alone?

Or see where it heads?

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Sunday 21stApril 2019)

I’ve learnt how to fly

I’ve learnt how to fly

4 years ago, I walked away

From a life that had once

Held so much hope

But was destined

Not to last

It had a life span

Of time to be served

Too long for my liking

And not what I deserved

A painful lesson

I had to learn

But it was all part

Of life’s learning curve

I took my own sweet time

To walk away

Had no idea

Of the penance

I would finally pay

Just knew

I had to be saved

Or be chased

To an early suicidal grave

But 4 years have gone

And my oh my

How I’ve moved on

The bittersweet taste

Left in my mouth

Is no longer as strong

I’ve grown new wings

I have learnt how to fly

I’ve been taught

What to take with me

What to leave behind

I now understand

That bags emblazoned

Love and Friendship

Weigh me down

They don’t help me climb

But true friendship

Like air helps me rise

I’m going places

That is for sure

But you have a choice

You can either come with me

Or stay

right

there

At the door.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 17thApril 2019)

Happy Anniversary to me!  4 years since moving on…. Sx ❤️

I will not go back

I will not go back

I have been reminded

Of a time and place

From my not too distant past

A place of sadness

A home of shattered glass

A time of great illusion

And spoken words

Not meant to last

I was left almost broken

When I was most in need

Few had thought

I would move on

Few had wished

I would succeed

Few had little faith

Or belief in me

It is not for me

To prove them wrong

Their effect on me

Was not that strong

But the feelings

That came with it

Were not meant to lift me

Only bring me down

Now they are where

They justly belong

I am free of that torment

I am free of my fears

I’m done with crying

Done waiting for change

I’ve grown now

I have no further need

For that kind of pain

Love me or lose me

There is no in between

Cherish or adore me

Please just don’t

Test and tease

Beneath my skin

A silent rage is stirring

Itching to be released

So careful how you push me

Don’t try to do me down

I will not welcome memories

From a place where

I’ve just come

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 3rd April 2019)

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