Changing partners

Changing partners

Where is my perfect man?

Changing partners- hand written
Changing partners- hand written

We hunt

We chase

Making pairs

Is a never-ending craze!

We hide, we seek

We laugh, we weep

All in the name of love

Match making

Score taking

What kind of game

Is this that we play?

Engagement?

Marriage?

For me?

No way!

Filling my bed

Taking away my head

Wham! Bam!

Thank you Ma’am!

Yet another score!

Become a rated number?

No chance, not anymore!

You win some

You lose some

“Plenty more fish in the sea”

I’m done with fishing

They can try and catch me!

Monday, Tuesday

Every day it’s the same

It’s one hell of a joke

This mating game!

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(26th January 1986)

 

Previously published 14th February 2019

What sleeps inside you?

What is it that

Makes you smile?

That brings forth

The sun that shines inside?

What is it that

That soothes your mind

When all around

Are pushing you

To the grind?

Ignoring all your

Heartfelt cries?

What is it that

Make you weep?

Dredging up sadness

From so, so deep?

Baring wide secrets

You’d rather keep

What is it that

Makes you roar?

Breathe flames of fire

Ready to do war?

Because using words

Isn’t enough anymore

What is it that

That makes you love

Without question?

What is your true passion?

That drives you to

Do it now, not later

 

What is it that

That you need from me?

Do you need to know

What it is that I see?

I see you smile

Trying to hide your sadness

I see your tears

When you’re enslaved by madness

I know your secrets

That shield behind your roar

I have the desire

To help drive your passion

I have the right words

To calm and soothe

And enough love

For all of you

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 8th February 2019)

 

 

Give me one good reason

Give me one good reason

Why I shouldn’t have

Give up on you?

Turned my back, walked away

Started over anew?

Give me one good reason

Why I should still give my time

To listen as you share

Your woes and dreams

Even though you won’t hear

One word that I speak?

Give me one good reason

Why I should’ve spent my time

Living in your shadow

Being unnoticed and

Blocked by your shade

Because you couldn’t let me shine?

Give me one good reason

Why I should’ve stayed

When everything around

Told me to leave

Your silence may have quietly

Wanted me to remain

But it’s in your words and actions

That I truly believe?

Give me one good reason

Why I should’ve believed in you

While you still have so little

Faith in yourself?

You’re driven by a fury

There’s no room for anything else

Give me one good reason

Why I should’ve loved you

Laid myself out, bare on a plate?

You had your turn, you picked over me

Then pushed me to one side

You had my love once

And now it’s just too late

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 26th February 2019)

Feeling blessed

I am thankful

For the small things in life

That make me happy

For every little thing

That makes me smile

I am even thankful

For the tears

That come to my eyes

Though they come

Not often

The power behind them

Is the same

It feels at last like things

Are going my way

I am thankful

My angels are guiding me

From up above

Still there, more than ever

Making me feel their love

When I was in a lost

And lonely place

They’re the reason

I kept this lovely smile

On my face

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Thursday 21st February 2019)

 

 

A long way from somewhere

Not sure quite where

I am heading

Or how long it

Was supposed to take

All I know is that

I’ve come a long way

And my soul still aches

 

I’m a long way from somewhere

A place, I’ve never been

Don’t know why I want to there

But it feels like where I belong

The road behind is dusty

My footprints laden by pain

Have all but gone

Swept up and away in a cloud

Never to be trodden again

 

I’m a long way from somewhere

Blinkers are off I can see the light

I sense the shadows of my joyless past

As they try to block my path

But like a true warrior I’m ready to fight

No more will they

Impede my stride

Or make my future look overcast

 

I’m a long way from somewhere

And I want to enjoy the ride

To not feel like a roller-coaster

So, I can relish the view

I want to see where I’m going

To not feel afraid

Make use of the solid foundation

My past has made

 

I’m a long way from somewhere

Not sure where I am

Of if from my path I have strayed

But wherever I am

I don’t want to look back

It is the right time

To be right here

And in spite of the hurdles

I’m still on track

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Wednesday 20th February 2019)

 

Threads of gold

There are times

When I sit alone

And I think of the life

I used to have

And the person

I used to be

Not the one

I have only recently

Just left behind

But what came before it

When I was still

Young and wild

With a head

Full of ambition

And so much drive

I wonder how

Or if

I have really changed at all

If I may be just

A bit tarnished

From the wear of time

And it’s bittersweet experience

That has left so many marks

Upon my skin

Having defaced

My body from within

Of trials and tribulations

I’ve had a few

That have marred my soul

Ripped me apart

Changed my point of view

And yet, here I still stand

Not entirely broken

Not exactly whole

But beat-up and bruised

With a patchwork of mending

Stitched by threads of gold

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Monday 18th February 2019)

 

 

 

I forgive you

I have searched my soul

So many times

Searching for the answers

To why you did me wrong

What did I really do

To bring this vengefulness on?

For quite some time

I took the blame

It made it easier

To hide your behaviour

Conceal your shame

I know

How you speak

Behind my back

You do it about others

To my face

Why would I expect you

To not treat me the same?

You showed your warmth

But all I felt was cold

Doesn’t matter

How you wrapped me

You couldn’t keep hold

You think you are

Better than me

When will you understand

That you are not?

It’s not about

Who’s got the upper-hand

Or whom it is

You to choose to compete

Just know that

I am happy

Standing alone

On my own two feet

Whatever you have said

Whatever you have done

I have already dealt with

Put in its place

And overcome

You are weak

And oh, so shallow

You cannot help

Being who you are

And doing what you do

And because of that

I forgive you

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 13th February 2019)

 

Returning to the crime scene

It is a wonderful thought

That I have many people

Of whom I have crossed paths

At some time in my life

Who seem to naturally

Keep gravitating back to me

It is a blessing

That I have somehow

Touched them in a way

Or left such a mark

That they are unable

To forget me

No matter how many

Days, months or years

Have passed since contact

For some reason

They find their way back

They all know

They did wrong by me

I did not deserve

What they gave

Maybe they’ve seen their light

Seek forgiveness

For the errors of their ways

Maybe they’re hoping

To still make things right

Even though

They already know

There’s not a hope in sight.

Whatever their reason

Once more to my door

It seems they are

Compelled to return

Whether to find balance

Or settle an old score

Maybe to check

If I am still nice

And as kind

I was with them before

I am glad

I have left a mark

Visible only to them

I’m glad if it burns

And brings about regret

That I come to mind

Jarring an odious recall

If I still make them

Think of me

Because once

I’d have given them anything

Anything at all.

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 8th February 2019)

Shifting sands

Shifting sands

Shifting sands

I can feel the ground

Move beneath my feet

But I haven’t fallen yet

Soft grains shifting

Like the hands of time

Letting moments of despair

Quietly slip by

Out of focus

To be forgotten

Whilst I maintain

My balance

Like a surfer

Gliding over the waves

Of the joy yet to come

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 5th Feb 2019)

Will you catch me if I should fall?

Will you catch me

If I should fall?

Or would you just let me

Tumble down to the floor?

Would you open the door

When in my need

I came to call

Or would you hide

within the dark shadows

And deny me?

Would you open your ears

And your heart

If I came to air ‘my’ pain?

Would you listen to understand

Or with the intent

To dismiss or blame?

If I bared my soul

Open wide to you

So, you could step right in

Would you accept the invite

Or hold back and refrain?

Would you pass the threshold

Or simply just peer in?

If I share with you

My deepest thoughts

And highest dreams

Would you encourage

Or just mock me?

If I came to you

In need of love

Would you hold me dear

And cherish me?

Could you give me

What I need?

Or would you turn your back

And pretend you hadn’t seen?

You see, to you

I have become invisible

But yet you still expect me

To be the same

How can I still place

My trust in your hands

When you no longer care?

Or ask you to nurture my heart

Or believe and support

All that I stand for?

When I don’t believe

For one moment

That you’d catch me

If I should ever fall?

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Mon 4th February 2019)

Come show yourself

I peeked around few corners

In hope of just a glance

It seems there is nothing more

To add to this short romance

My dream carried on

Way into the morning

I closed my eyes and wished

While gently yawning

I awoke with love on my mind

Until the usual song

Shattered the whole illusion

It had all seemed so real

But the pieces fell one by one

Breaking into a million parts

On impact

So there I was

Left with only pictures

Of a scene

Not quite making contact

I flung myself

Back in to work

Quite whole-hearted

But I didn’t finish

Quite as I had started

I drifted away

Back into my dream

And tried to plot

A devilish scheme

Whether it will work

I do not know

But somehow

I’ll make his true intentions show.

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(13thJune 1986)

Something brewing?

Another stormy day

When the ocean causes that

Uncontrollable rise and fall

Within my soul

What is it that unsettles me so?

Here inside this place

That holds apart of my history

An angry face of someone

I used to know

Is once again remembered

And lonely tears are welled

Ready to be shed again

For pain that can be felt no more

Winter’s brewing in my mind

Once more

Bringing with it a chill

To edge my heart

Stopping the flow of true colours

From reaching out, and touching

Another’s pale cheek, drawing

Releasing new life, new warmth

To calm someone else’s ocean

At one time, in another place

Maybe another world

I dreamt I heard, that someone

Calling me,

Whispering across their

Stormy waves

Trying to touch something inside of me

Who ever it was

Didn’t reach me

But I know somewhere

They are still crying out

Across their ocean

Maybe one day, I’ll be there

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(7th September 1990)

I think I’m drowning

Reach out and touch me

Take me by the hand

Save me from drowning

And bring me safely back to land

It is shallow waters

Yet they seem so deep

It always seems that way, but

I could have saved myself

If only I had stood up

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(4thDecember 1985)

Seasons – moving on

AutumnAutumn slowly changes

Silent, shifting phases

Content among things that are now dead

Kicking once green leaves

And watching freedom in the skies

No troubles are near

Trees are bare

Just like my empty mind

My insides are hollow

Something is definitely missing

 

Winter brings desperationsWinter

the feeling of utter loneliness

All around me is cold

Warmth is absorbed in the wind

Time is creeping near

Decisions to make

Pressure is rising

Reasons to regret

Ideas to forget

Nothing is easy now

 

Spring there is happiness in the air Spring

But not within my soul

New life appears

New hopes perhaps

Wanting and needing

Crumbling dreams reverse

Taking things day by day

All in the month of May

 

Summer the sun shines on my heart

Summer

Another digit added to my life

Youth is no longer my maiden name

But age is now my first

Childhood friends now turn their backs

And maybe sadly wave goodbye

My last entry in my diary

I can now turn the page

On that period of my life.

 

Sharon carter-Wray

(June 1984)

I am not your plaything

You come to me

When you feel the urge

When you have that

Burning need for me

That can only be soothed

By what you hunger for

Between my thighs

 

Your desire and urgency

Has only one goal

And how you reach it

Doesn’t always include me

Your touch does not inspire

Your kisses leave me

With no desire

And as for passion

It is short lived

And soon expires

 

And when you’re done

You leave me feeling

Used, cold and alone

Lacking the heat

From my internal fire

I want to hear my body sing

As soft fingers play

A tender tune

Running up and down my skin

 

I want your kisses

In places I can’t reach

I want to be lost in the moment

Not lost in regret

I want to reach heights

I have not felt yet

So you see my darling

I have needs too

Needs, that are not

Being fulfilled by you

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(22nd February 2018)

The raging bull slumbers

My lover lies sleeping

Beneath heavy eyes

I wish he knew

The need I have inside of me

To hold him, to touch him

For him to reach out

For my inner secrecies

To cling to me in his throes

But while he slumbers

He will not know

How I long for him

To caress and cradle me

With his warmth

I shall soon lay with him

And the passion

And the depth of my love

Will travel across

The length of our shared pillow

To soothe him

Through his troubled dreams

And he can take comfort

While he still dreams

That when he should awake

My heart shall be there

Longing for him

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(20thJuly 1991)

Prize possession!

My heart is first prize

My body

Goes to the runner up

My body

Can be bought, abused, adorned

It can be masked

To hide many faults

But my heart

Will always be pure

It can be felt

It can be listened to

Yet it cannot be touched

It cannot be seen

My body

Can be flaunted

It can portray itself

In a number of ways

So how do you know

If it tells the truth

The runner up

Gets only what came first

The winner

Is the one wanted more

Than to just pass

The strip of ribbon.

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(13thNovember 1985)

 

Losing my balance

Sometimes I feel

So out of control

So lost in my thoughts

So uneasy in my soul

Words yet to be said

Always come to mind

That aim to unravel

To soothe and unwind

 

I am lost in the motion

Caught up with the

Ghosts from the past

Still showing their faces

Even when they’re outcasts

I stand on two feet

Firmly rooted to the ground

But my arms are

Outstretched

Still reaching for stars

 

My head is spinning

But here I still stand

Staying out of reach

Of the many wandering

And clutching hands

They’re still trying to pull me down

So that I cannot shine

Inept at saying kind words

They would rather just lie

 

Empty of encouragement

Completely void of love

How I kept my balance

Was literally by chance

For I have something in me

That cannot be moved

A simple, unbending

Faith in myself

And my simple truths

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(3rdMarch 2018)

Letting go

I feel so much richer

Having let some people go

Even though things

Just shouldn’t be so

I have cried few tears

I have felt no pangs

I am glad to have

Released them

Somewhere out there

Some place they belong

I don’t know what

They felt for me

But I know it wasn’t love

By letting go

I have freed my soul

And now she flies so free

If only I’d know sooner

That doing this

Was in fact the key!

Sharon Carter-Wray

(2ndMarch 2018)

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