Inner child

Who is this little one

That has come from inside?

And why does she

So need to cry?

She is part of my road

That I know

But why does she seem

So sad and alone?

That secret child of mine

From so long ago

Is now prepared

To let herself be shown

She weeps and wails

And upon silent dreams

She sailed

And so aptly was

“Free spirit” so named

For so long

She has been my angel

Protecting me from

All that could hurt

Now she’s hurting too

But her tears help

To heal my wounds

And piece by piece

Part by part

She will reconcile the damage

To my mind and heart

For many years she has

Been within my shadow

Bearing the brunt of every blow

And never did she once allow

Her pain to surface or show

But now my inner child

My free spirit

Can take no more

And if, as the woman I am

I can truly survive this

Then my free spirit will

Once again glow.

Sharon Carter-Wray

(1st November 2003)

Letting go: 5. Happiness

Letting go: 5. Happiness

Admittedly, it hasn’t all been doom and gloom this last year, there have been moments when I have felt so happy, nothing could touch me.  That happiness has come from different areas of my life, and it has spurred me on.

It is what I am ultimately seeking, a life that is calm, peaceful, nurturing and relatively stress free.  I don’t think it’s really too much to ask for, but in order to achieve it, I know that I must address the balance and rid myself of the negative factors first.

The first step to that, is to stop taking the responsibility or blame for other peoples’ actions, and to leave them where they belong.

It is also fundamental that I don’t accept people disrespecting me, because it leads to my disrespecting myself, which is definitely wrong on all levels.  As they say:

“Happiness is a state of mind, and not a destination”. 

So, I am going to promise myself that each day, I do something that makes me ‘feel good in my soul’, which can’t be a bad thing!

Sharon Carter-Wray

(31st December 2016)

 

Update:

Since the decision to shield myself or walk away from negative people and situations, I have felt some real differences in my day to day life.  In spite of health not being on my side for most of the last 2 years, and having many emotional issues to deal with, I have battled on in search of this one thing.Find yourself

But, I am pleased to report that now at least my frame of mind is in a good place.  I would also say quite whole-heartedly that I am happy.  Many doors were closed at the end of last year.  Since then I have managed to somehow maintain this upbeat attitude and mindset since then.

I know that I still have anger within me.  But I also know that I am right to feel that anger. 

No longer will I make excuses or be quick to forgive other peoples’ shortfalls.  Especially if they know, they should really know better.

I have finally realised my true worth, after years of being made to feel worthless, .  And no one can take that away from me.  Never again, will I allow anyone to question my own integrity or make me feel bad about who I am as a person.  Sx ❤️

Artwork by me: I am enough

Poetry: I keep that beast inside

(Tues 26th February 2019)

 

 

 

Where to now?

I have crossed many oceans

I have sailed many seas

Still searching and seeking

My far away dreams

Though they may have slightly changed

They are still

Basically the same

The promises that I made

Are still there unbroken

And the ambitions

I sought to achieve

Are still there

Able to bend and stretch

I crave love, romance and tenderness

All the things

That still remain

Just out of my reach

 

I’ve yearned many years

For a man who could

Give and take

My kind of genuine love

I have waited to find a man

That my heart can fall for

But he is nowhere to be seen

And none so far

Can yield to me

The simple things and joy

That would make me happy

 

I used to believe

That maybe

If I sacrificed part

Of what I seek

In time, the rest

Would come to me

But now I know

What isn’t there

Never will be

No matter how much

Of myself I give or take

It will only increase my pain

 

And so I still question

Am I wrong to want

Such simple things?

Or if indeed I am

Simply just wrong…

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(Originally written 24thSeptember 1991)

Updated 19thMay 2018

Now that we are women

Summer is nearly over

And my sister is coming home

It’s many years

Since she’s been gone

I feel as close to her

As I ever did

As if she never went away

How will I react

At our first meeting?

What will I have to say?

Will I hug her dearly?

Will tears come to my eyes?

Like the time we said

Our last goodbyes?

Will I tell her

Of what my life was like,

To what it is now?

Retracing all the years

Since we parted?

Should I tell her

Of all my loves

How they left me

Broken hearted?

Will she love me

As I was, or as I am

Now that we are women?

We have seen and done

So many things between us

Will we still identify

With each other’s feelings?

I hope that we still are

Each other’s child

For we have travelled far

Together,

But

In different worlds.

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(4thAugust 1986)

Richer or poorer?

I feel great sadness

For the people who strive

For what was not meant to be

They have a great passion

For the material things

Even though

They are quite immaterial

To their real lives!

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(15thOctober 1986)

Regret

I did not want the flower

That I picked

It just seemed beautiful

At the time

I needed the colour in my life

But not the bloom

Someone else I’m sure

Needed it much more than me

 

But I plucked it

I held it

And it was beautiful

Until the dream faded

And the petals fell

Leaving me with

Nothing in my grasp

Except an empty smile

That still belonged to me

 

I should have known

Just to look at it

Leave it

Where it had sprung

But the temptation

Grew too much

I had to take it home

 

For just one moment

It made me smile

For just one moment

It made me feel alive

And now it is dead

And so am I

 

The rain came

And washed it’s beauty away

And left me

With the memory

Of something I never had

It was never mine to hold

It belonged to some other

Whose tears of missing it

Will breathe new life

On it’s return

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(29thNovember 1990)

A new dawn

There is a new dawn

Rising within me

I never thought

That I would feel like this

This overwhelming

Sense of contentment

Fills me to my brim

The time is right

And the time is right now

I knew it would come

One day

And I have waited a long time

I have always know

That when it happened

I would be so happy

That everything

Would fall into place

Somehow

The feelings of relief

That are suddenly

All mine

That bring tears to my eyes

To remind me

Of the pains I bore

To get here

All I want is to

Stay here forever

Ride along on that wave

Until it takes me onto

Another new dawn

Where I hope to find

A new height of ecstasy

To raise me even higher

Than I feel right now

Nothing can compare

To the happiness and the joy

That I hold inside of me

For it is mine alone

Because it is my dream

And no one else’s to share

If only everyday

Could be the same

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(9thJanuary 1991)

 

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