Tag: hurt

I am my mothers’ child

I am my mothers' child

I am my mothers’ child

As I myself, begin to grow old

And reflect on my mother’s passing

I realise just how amazing

She really was

And the legacy she left behind

She did not raise us to be

Weak-minded souls

Nor she did bear us

To not achieve

Or reach our goals

She gave us what

Our father lacked

Or seemed unable to bestow

She filled us with

Good advice,

And told us stories of old

That spoke of a lesson

Of being wise,

Said in a way

Only she could have told

The message always

Reached home

Maybe because there

Was always laughter

In her own special way

We learnt about life

So much faster

I’d like to think

That I’ve ripped a page or two

From my mamas’ book

I see myself in her so much

The way I handle things

My patience

Depending on my gut

Being independent

Honest and forthright

Having integrity

And being naturally kind

But it has taken a whole life

To understand

I am indeed my mothers’ child

Sharon Carter-Wray

(25th March 2018)

2

I’ve lost my soul

I’ve lost my soul

Helping others to find themselves

And now that they are whole again

They have gone

Just when I found myself

They left at the best time

At the end of my steady decline

But now I am flying

Confident and alone

But leaving them behind

Wondering and asking

“Who’s this stranger before my eyes?”

 

I’ve lost my soul

In the wasted kindness

That I so freely bestowed

Upon the ungrateful ones

Whom I’ve gladly consoled

The one’s that don’t thank you

And give no further word

Up until now the return date

Of my kindness and it’s journey

Has still yet to be told

 

I’ve lost my soul

Fighting the useless battles

That I have fought

Wasted time thinking they were

Worthy causes meant to be saved

But I should have left them

Where I found them

Well and truly alone

After all not every battle

Is meant to be won

 

I’ve lost my soul

Trying to forget my past

The empty words of love

And broken dreams

By building new foundations

This time one’s meant to last

No more sand castles

That simply dissolve

But built to withstand

Rock steady and hard

 

I’ve lost my soul

Following my path

Picking up the loose pebbles

That needed a polish

Before being recast

A new road they will pave

Lined with flowers and weed free

No obstacles or hurdles

Laying in wait to trip me

 

I’ve lost my soul

Searching out my truth

Only to find that

It was never lost

It was still pure and proud

And within me all along

Why I searched for it

I do not know

Maybe some ‘friend’ I had

Had grounds to doubt me

But there it was, in full sight

Encircled by integrity

 

 

I’ve lost my soul

By bearing my all

With my simple honesty

Letting my words

Find listening ears

And reading eyes

From all corners

Of this globe

Ears and eyes that know of

And sense my nakedness

That most of my friends

Have not seen or heard

 

 

I’ve lost my soul

Seeking out a love that’s real

With no doubts or quashed hopes

Something that I can truly feel

Akin to my own values

And core beliefs

Only to establish

That it’s hard to find

All the while knowing

I am a good person

I am worth it, I am real

And ‘I’ am most definitely not

The ‘average’ kind

 

I lost my soul

In all these things

And yet she came back to me

With a heart full of hope

Of a life yet to be

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(1stmay 2018)

 

0

Loyalty

I am more of a friend to you

Than you’ll ever know

In all these years

I have brought laughter

Into your life

When you needed it most

And when you wanted

To shed your tears

My shoulder has always been there

If you wanted to speak

I have been your ears

When you needed something to batter

In your verbal temper or rage

I have taken the brunt

Of your every blow

When your life

Has been filled with gloom

I have given you flowers

To colour your days

Never have I turned

My back on you

Or walked away

When you have been

Hurting inside

I tried to take a share

Of your pain

Though you may not know this

I have always been there

Many times you have hurt me

Cut me to my soul

By denying me from

Any place in your heart

But never have I once

Complained saying that

I deserved to be there

Many times you hurt me

By your cold

Unthoughtful words

And never have I replied

In the same way

To hurt you back

Many times you have hurt me

When you talk of me

Like some casual acquaintance

 

If that is all I mean to you

Then I am more of a friend

Than you’ll ever know

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(30th October 1990)

0

I am so much more than that

You underestimate me my darling

You think that I am all

That you choose to see

Based on your ill perceptions

Rather than actual fact

But I am so much more than that

 

The words pretty

Or beautiful come to mind

When you look upon my face

It’s a wonderful label

And oh so shallow my love

But I am so much more than that

 

You think that just because

You’ve known me for so long

There was nothing more to find

It was merely a glimpse you saw

Just a very small part

But I am so much more than that

 

You want to call me sexy

As though that is all

I should aspire to

And I guess I should be happy

But I’m not

They are just empty words

And I am so much more than that

 

Just because I am alone

Does not mean that I need

Want or crave for you

To fill the gap

You’ll never be enough

Until you see for yourself

That I am so much more

Than just that

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(3rd march 2018)

 

 

 

 

0

When there’s nothing left to say

What happens when

The words have run out?

When there’s nothing left to say?

 

What happens when

The love is lost

And there’s no reason left to stay?

 

What happens when

You turn your back

And simply walk away?

 

What happens when

You want to hurt me

And can’t see past my pain?

 

What happens when

You can’t look at me

With eyes full of shame?

 

What happens when

It’s time to part

After you’ve stepped on

My already broken heart?

 

What happens when

Enough is enough

And there’s no point

Left to this game?

 

What happens when

I’ve given up

And there’s nothing left

For me to feel or say?

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(3rd march 2018)

 

 

7

Facing reality

And even though

Good health

Is not on my side

My face at least

Wears a genuine smile

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(17th April 2018)

 

0

What freedom means to me

3 years ago today

I started my life over

My mind returned

Back to a time

When I was young

And starting out for new

With fresh eyes and

Anticipation in my veins

To begin a life on my own

Void of anyone’s reins.

 

3 years ago today

I left a life behind

That had suffocated me

By it’s strangling out

The last tolerant breath

I had withheld

The one that had

Finally woken me up

That made me realise

Enough was finally enough

 

3 years ago today

I woke with hope in my heart

I was looking forward

To the new life

I was about to start

I knew it would not be easy

But I had to try

And in spite of my illness

Knocking me down

Today I still manage to fly

 

3 years ago today

I think on the life

I once had

And the damage that man

Caused to my mind

I may have looked broken

But I was nothing

Of the kind

I didn’t need convincing

That I was right to say goodbye

 

3 years ago today

All that I had lost

That had been absorbed

In another’s storm

Returned to me

Undamaged and whole

 

 

3 years ago today

I wrote myself a new story

With many blank pages to fill

And chapters made of hindsight

Penned with ink

Made from old cried tears

That no longer sting

 

3 years ago today

I know, I did indeed

Take a chance

To choose my happiness

Instead of his

But if I hadn’t

These words

Would never have appeared

This rose

Would never have bloomed

If I hadn’t

I wonder if

I would still be here.

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(17th April 2018)

Happy anniversary me, you did it!

2

Oh My!

Just saw this and had to post it! 🙂

Sharon Cart-Wray

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I am thankful! Sx 🙂

 

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