I will not go back

I will not go back

I have been reminded

Of a time and place

From my not too distant past

A place of sadness

A home of shattered glass

A time of great illusion

And spoken words

Not meant to last

I was left almost broken

When I was most in need

Few had thought

I would move on

Few had wished

I would succeed

Few had little faith

Or belief in me

It is not for me

To prove them wrong

Their effect on me

Was not that strong

But the feelings

That came with it

Were not meant to lift me

Only bring me down

Now they are where

They justly belong

I am free of that torment

I am free of my fears

I’m done with crying

Done waiting for change

I’ve grown now

I have no further need

For that kind of pain

Love me or lose me

There is no in between

Cherish or adore me

Please just don’t

Test and tease

Beneath my skin

A silent rage is stirring

Itching to be released

So careful how you push me

Don’t try to do me down

I will not welcome memories

From a place where

I’ve just come

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 3rd April 2019)

Untouched

Untouched

No one

Has ever truly touched my soul

Reached the part of me

Where the fire burns

Delivering my glow

They have used their feet

To walk circles around me

Drawing boundaries

Slow and steady as they go

Inhibiting my growth

Clasping my ambition

In a stranglehold

No one

Has ever truly reached me

Delved down

Into the corners of my mind

They have scratched

At the surface

Believing that was all

There was to find

Little did they know

My kind of beauty comes

From way down deep inside

No one

Has ever truly embraced me

In a way

That makes me feel divine

They have used their hands

To touch my body

And their fingertips

To spell out the lies

And hugged me close

With insincerity

Dancing behind their eyes

 

No one

Has ever truly known

What it is that is missing

Or what it is I seek

I’m a very complicated woman

But with very simple needs

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 2nd April 2019)

 

 

 

 

 

Letting go: 7. Integrity

Letting go: 7. Integrity

Originally from my personal blog, “Journey through a painful body and a depressed mind”

integrity | ɪnˈtɛɡrɪti | noun [mass noun] the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles: a gentleman of complete integritythe state of being whole and undivided: upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty• the condition of being unified or sound in construction: the structural integrity of the novel• internal consistency or lack of corruption in electronic data: [as modifier] :  integrity checking[1]

To me, in simple terms this means:

“Doing the right thing, even when no one is around to witness it”.

How to lose me

The quickest way to lose me, is to question my integrity or to show me that you have none!  It is way up there on my list of virtues, no ifs, no buts, no deviations, and no argument.

I have come across too many people that have lacked this quality, and spent far too much time in their company.  But it not something that I tolerate well, so from now on I would rather leave people who lack it, well enough alone.

Sharon Carter-Wray

(31st December 2016)

Update:

I have since learned just how much integrity means to me.  Having been on the receiving end and having witnessed so any occasions when people have demonstrated their lack of it, it has done more than raise an eyebrow, and I have lost respect for these people because of it. I have many people in my life, who don’t even know that I can write, or that I am so creative or talented in many things.  They do not know that I have been writing for years and have created more than just a personal blog.  But they chose to ignore or not see that side of me, and therefore have no comment.  I sometimes feel that people would choke on their words, if they tried to say something to me.

I suppose the question I always ask myself is:

“If they are able to do something (not good), and not think twice about it, then what else are they capable of?” 

If I have that feeling about someone, they will lose/never have my trust or be allowed full access to enter my life.

I’m not even sure why it is so important to me, but it is a trait I will look out for in the simplest actions.  It has left me cold at times, when I have watched other peoples’ behaviour, when they believe themselves unseen.  It is akin to taking pride in yourself and your conduct, and a ‘must have’ quality.

But sadly, so many people let themselves down.  Sx ❤️

[1] Taken from Apple Inc. Dictionary 2.3.0 “203.16.12)

 

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