I am the light, I am the darkness

I am the light

That adds the sunshine

To your day

When your skies turn

From azure blue to grey

I am the one who will

Hold you close

So you can feel my love

As I kiss & hug those

Dark clouds away

By your side I will be

When you have fallen

To your knees

I’ll be there without question

When I hear your lonely

Unspoken pleas

All I ask is

You do the same for me

 

I am the darkness

Casting shadows

In your mind

Leaving traces of regret

A constant reminder

Of a loss you can’t forget

No amount of sorrow

No amount of shame

Can bring back the time

You’d wish to reset

What’s been said

Has been said

What is done, is done

And because of that

You’re feeling cold

And all alone

If you had only chosen

Not to bring the night

I would have gladly

Shared my brilliant light

But instead you chose

To abuse its’ glow

And now you’ve lost

This beautiful soul

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 22ndMarch 2019)

Inner child

Who is this little one

That has come from inside?

And why does she

So need to cry?

She is part of my road

That I know

But why does she seem

So sad and alone?

That secret child of mine

From so long ago

Is now prepared

To let herself be shown

She weeps and wails

And upon silent dreams

She sailed

And so aptly was

“Free spirit” so named

For so long

She has been my angel

Protecting me from

All that could hurt

Now she’s hurting too

But her tears help

To heal my wounds

And piece by piece

Part by part

She will reconcile the damage

To my mind and heart

For many years she has

Been within my shadow

Bearing the brunt of every blow

And never did she once allow

Her pain to surface or show

But now my inner child

My free spirit

Can take no more

And if, as the woman I am

I can truly survive this

Then my free spirit will

Once again glow.

Sharon Carter-Wray

(1st November 2003)

Why do I feel this way?

I have been taken back

To a time and place

That I would rather

Not remember

Or have a place for

In my broken heart

I’ve been made to feel a feeling

That I never wanted

To experience or

To acknowledge again

Once in my lifetime was enough

In fact it was

Once too much

I have been reminded

Of my value

In someone else’s eyes

Whilst knowing that

I am worth so much more

If only they could see

What they’re missing

That’s not so deep within me

Why do I feel this way?

May be because I have

Gone against my better judgement

May be, because I needed

To know for sure

But one thing is certain

I can return to that place

No more.

Sharon carter-Wray

(12th November 2017)

 

 

Straight from the heart: 20. Red Letter Day

Straight from the heart: 20. Red Letter Day

Today, I read the last letter I wrote to myself about 4 months ago.  It is the second time I have done this, and I find it an invaluable means of bookmarking my life.

It also useful for measuring if anything has changed, got better or stayed the same.  But it is more importantly, a reminder from myself about a period of time I want to move on from.

I don't care how longIt might sound like a very simple, but writing an open and honest letter to yourself, is a difficult thing to do.  It is hard to put real words to emotions or feelings, that can sometimes be so alien to us, and delving into our inner psyche and soul is not something to take on lightly.  It forces you to acknowledge every aspect of your life, where you’ve been, your current situation, and where you hope to be; and is an opportunity to air it in a safe way.

You can discover so much about yourself and the reasons why you might behave a certain way or have a certain attitude.  So, if you really want to know yourself better, write it down, the good and the bad, then take a good look at it, and really think about it.  You will find answers, but you need to give yourself time, to absorb this new information.

Anyway, back to my letter, I read it this morning and I was quite overwhelmed by the contents.  I remember at the time, I was so in need of nurturing, love and care, I was also in a lot of pain and pretty much lost and alone.

In spite of that, it was a very positive letter, just talking about my future, when I will finally move on from the existence I’ve had and still have now.  It was about recognizing my acceptance of things that I can’t change, and the acknowledgement of the misery I had experienced, and the dreams I still have left.

It was powerful reading.  I was being kind to myself for once. I smiled, and then eventually cried, as I read.  It was a beautiful letter, penned by me, to me.

Only I know of the subtle changes that have taken place over recent months.  I alone, have noted the true power of my self-belief, and my determination to bring about change.What lies behind us

So today I have been reminded, and have been able to measure, that emotionally and psychologically, I have advanced forwards, by quite a distance.

But physically, I am still waiting to move on to my new life.  This is the one thing, for which I have absolutely no control.

Sharon Carter-Wray

(7th December 2014)

Update:

Thankfully on 17th April 2015, I finally got what I so needed, I moved into my flat and began the process of getting my life back together again!  Sx ❤️

 

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