I am enough

I am enough

I am enough

I do not need to be told

No man will complete me

No money will

Make me whole

 

I am enough

As I stand here

So mighty, so tall

Many have tried

To break me

Many more have failed

Thinking I need them

To blow wind in my sails

 

I am enough

I have nothing to prove

And just as equally

I have nothing to lose

 

I am enough

See that I am a Queen

For that is whom

I have become

I need no crown

No sparkly jewels

I am armoured plated

By life’s unfair rules

 

I am enough

I am strong and proud

And like a true warrior woman

I will shout this out loud

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(6th January 2018)

Links to:

Poetry: I am enough

Artwork: I am enough

Blog: A new dawn

 

Coming full circle

Coming full circle

 

I am coming full circle

I’d thought I’d seen it all

I’d thought I’d served my time

But instead, each time it seems

There is something else new

For me still to learn

Something new

That when revealed

Blackens once colourful souls

 

I am coming full circle

I am a fool no more

Where once I might have

Given my heart freely

It now remains reserved

Unwilling to be touched

Until it has been heard

She knows her own worth

And she has only known

Such pain

So much so

She refuses to be hurt

In that same way again

 

I am coming full circle

But the fools come and go

Trying to deceive me

But none of them gain access

Because none of them

Really get ‘me’

They want to treat me

Like I am some whore

But I know they see

That I am a so much more

 

I am coming full circle

But this is just going

Through the motions

I know I will find the one

That is truly meant to be mine

But for the moment

I will play this game

But I will not

Suffer these fools gladly

Or believe my search

Is in vain.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(5th August 2017)

Calling all readers!

The time has come for me to reach out to you, my readers around the world, and ask for you for some assistance.

It’s been over a year now since I created abeautifulmindonline, and in that time I have tweaked and played around with layouts, colours and fonts etc, and I would like to say that I am happy with the results so far.  But, I am not really the person that matters… you are!

I am always very grateful and thankful for everyone who reads and/or likes & comments on any of my posts and I also appreciate your time.

So my dear readers, I am asking if you would be willing to spend a few more moments of your time, just to add a comment or two about your visit to my site?  I am looking in particular to find out:

  • If the fonts, colours and layout work for you
  • If it’s easy on the eye
  • If it’s easy to find your way around
  • If any links etc. don’t work
  • Better tagging ideas
  • And any recommendations/suggestions for changes or improvements

I do hope that you can spare the time to participate with this request, as it will help me to get things right.thank-701985_640

Many thanks in advance, and I’ll look forward to seeing your comments.  Sx ❤️

 

Letting go: 6. Intuition

“I was blessed with this gift, and it has never let me down, if I’ve made a bad choice it’s usually because I have ignored my gut instinct, when I should have known better”. 

I have believed for a long time that not everything is worth fighting for, and I have spilt enough blood and wasted too much time already battling unwinnable or futile causes.

I say this is a gift, because I have the uncanny ability to be able to see through other people’s problems, and guide them on what the real issues are.  I am able to explore different angles and perspectives, and untangle the real mysteries behind their problems.  I have people who lean on me for this, but it isn’t something I am always thanked for, as not everyone has a stomach for my brutal candor, but it’s what they come for.  They come to me for truth, and that’s exactly what I give them, and somehow, I seem to manage to get right down to the roots of the problem and at least open their minds to reason or a different level of understanding.

I never speak ‘off the top of my head’, and I am always able to back up what I say with good reason.  It’s as though I go deep into the recesses of my mind and can draw on an experience from somewhere in my past, that is relevant. 

Maybe that’s why I seldom confide in others, because somewhere I know the answer already exists in me, I just have to think it through.  I firmly believe that in my life, no matter what the situation is, I have already dealt with far worse and come through it. 

My comtemplation stonesThis way of thinking has kept me positive, and made me feel so much stronger.  This is why writing is so important to me, this is my way of sorting through the muddle in my mind, and seeing it in black and white print.  Writing gives me clarity, like solving a mathematical equation.  It allows me to explore my thoughts, and to be picked up and carried away with them, so I can deal with my demons and dilemmas.  From an early age it was a skill that gave me some form of comfort and expression, and it is one I cannot do without.

Intuition has protected me, prepared me and given me such an understanding of who I really am, and who others are too.  But there have been times, I have mistakenly given others the benefit of the doubt, and have got burnt fingers for the privilege.

At least I now know to never ignore it again!

Sharon Carter-Wray

(31st December 2016)

Update:

I can think of so many occasions when my intuition has served me so well in the last few years.  My ability to read between the lines and see behinds the scenes, has saved me from much unnecessary angst and misery.  I have learned to walk away from people and situations that no longer serve me, or have no sense of feel-good about them.

00948-in2bthe2bendI have steadfastly stuck by this, and in turn my state of mind and life have improved, my self-confidence and belief in my talents have blossomed and I actually feel quite happy.

I want and need for nothing that money can buy, and in my eyes, it’s a wonderful place to be.  Sx ❤️

(Sunday 17th March 2019)

 

 

 

 

I’ll be back…

Hey there readers and followers,

Just a quick note to say sorry I’ve been away for a while, but just having a few crappy/crazy weeks, with the icing on the cake being my computer being hacked a week ago!

So thanks to all that have kept visiting in my absence, I’ll be back up and running again as soon as I can.  Sx 🙂

 

Why hide your love?

There is too much

Hate in this world

It’s what we’ve been taught

To somehow feel superior

To anything that differs

To our supposed ‘norm’

Standards are set

At an early age

Being blindly led

As we pick up the

Breadcrumbs of ignorance

Left by them gone ahead

The opposite

Of love is not hate

It’s indifference –

Having no care at all

It is a hard world

That we live in

But it’s one that

Was created by man

Each person we meet

Is a natural twin

Albeit wearing a different

Colour or shade of skin

We shamelessly compare

We gauge ourselves

By another’s worth

The house, the car

The clothes on our backs

When in truth it’s the

Simple things that we need

But so clearly lack

There is a social

Ladder for us to climb

And competition is rife

But do we really need

This kind of daily struggle

In our lives?

We are taught

To believe what we see

Our new Lord

Is now a 52 inch screen

Fed by politicians

Or computers games

Happy to give us

More ammunition

And point the snarly

Fingers of blame

Discard the papers

Turn off the TV

Use your ears to hear

And your eyes to see

Don’t be seduced

By inciteful fallacies

It taints your mind

And blackens your soul

Is it any wonder

That we never feel whole?

Lose the hate and instead

Seek out the love

Be thankful, be grateful

Feel blessed with what you hold

And what you have

When the cross gets heavy

Uplift another’s heart

In the only way

You know you should

By turn you’ll feel proud

And feel oh so good

You are one of many

And your voice alone

Might not be heard

But one plus one

And the numbers will grow

Uphold integrity

Spread humility

In any shape or form

And soon you will reap

Exactly what you sow

Laugh, sing and dance

Enjoy life and live

Because after all

Love is the only thing

We freely have to give

Sharon Carter-Wray

(30thMay 2018)

4. Retracing my steps

After the realisation of how little my employers cared for me hit home, it made me look at my career to date.  I was always after self-betterment and I had wanted a ladder to climb, to achieve things.  But, I now know that all my employers had seen that trait in me, knew my ambition and had wanted to make the most of me, while they had me.

I spent 10 years of my life travelling the length and breadth of this country, doing store openings or refits for major retailers.  Each time, staying away from home for months at a time, until a job was completed. After that I would finally return home or go onto the next job.  It was not an easy job by any means, it was 12 hours a day or night, seven days a week, for up to 3 months at a time; living in some hotel or B&B.

After a couple of years I was no longer doing the groundwork, I was a team coordinator, organising and managing a team of up to 35 people.  I was responsible for making sure that the job was done well and done right on which ever shift I was working on.  My colleague and I, who covered the other shift, were accountable if things went wrong, after all time is always equivalent to money.

After that, I began to run the jobs, organising my teams, sorting transport and accommodation, interviewing and recruiting new staff, dealing direct with the clients, and still travelling to do site visits, which was always rife with some complaint or other, which I had to deal with.  When I was not in the office, which was the majority of the time, I would be in my car and it became a very lonely job.

With a team of core people, plus locally employed general assistants, we worked hard and played hard.  I used to say:

“that it took a strange breed of fish to do the job, either people were running away from something; or they were trying to find something”.

I am still not sure which category I fell into, but eventually the need arose for me to find a permanent place, where I could finally hang my hat, and empty my suitcase.

This coincided with the death of my brother, who had been very ill for years.  It was at that point, that I knew that I had to move on.  I had always said to myself, that by the age of 30, I wanted to own my first home, and have real independence, and a few days short of my 30th birthday I finally managed to achieve just that.

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(9thSeptember 2011)

Note:  It is only now when I look back, I realise that buying my first home on my own back then, really was a big achievement.  But for me, it was something that came naturally and I just took it in my stride.  Sx 🙂

 

Where to now?

I have crossed many oceans

I have sailed many seas

Still searching and seeking

My far away dreams

Though they may have slightly changed

They are still

Basically the same

The promises that I made

Are still there unbroken

And the ambitions

I sought to achieve

Are still there

Able to bend and stretch

I crave love, romance and tenderness

All the things

That still remain

Just out of my reach

 

I’ve yearned many years

For a man who could

Give and take

My kind of genuine love

I have waited to find a man

That my heart can fall for

But he is nowhere to be seen

And none so far

Can yield to me

The simple things and joy

That would make me happy

 

I used to believe

That maybe

If I sacrificed part

Of what I seek

In time, the rest

Would come to me

But now I know

What isn’t there

Never will be

No matter how much

Of myself I give or take

It will only increase my pain

 

And so I still question

Am I wrong to want

Such simple things?

Or if indeed I am

Simply just wrong…

Sharon Carter-Wray

 

(Originally written 24thSeptember 1991)

Updated 19thMay 2018

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