None but ourselves…
Just love this great quote from such a great man… he had so many incredibly powerful things to say. Sx ❤️
Poetry, free expression, thoughts and lovely creations..
Just love this great quote from such a great man… he had so many incredibly powerful things to say. Sx ❤️
Where is my perfect man?
We hunt
We chase
Making pairs
Is a never-ending craze!
We hide, we seek
We laugh, we weep
All in the name of love
Match making
Score taking
What kind of game
Is this that we play?
Engagement?
Marriage?
For me?
No way!
Filling my bed
Taking away my head
Wham! Bam!
Thank you Ma’am!
Yet another score!
Become a rated number?
No chance, not anymore!
You win some
You lose some
“Plenty more fish in the sea”
I’m done with fishing
They can try and catch me!
Monday, Tuesday
Every day it’s the same
It’s one hell of a joke
This mating game!
Sharon Carter-Wray
(26th January 1986)
Previously published 14th February 2019
There was a time
When I had many
People in my life
But now there seems…
So very few
It would appear
That as my age
In numbers has increased
The circle I am surrounded by
Has dwindled and declined
I am no less whole
I am more complete
Maybe, I don’t need an army
To stand up and march
On my own two feet.
Sharon Carter-Wray
(Weds 17thJuly 2019)
The opposite of love
People often mistakenly think that the opposite of love, is hate… but they are so, so wrong. Hate, like love is something that involves passion, there is true emotional feeling behind it. You can hate something or someone with so much passion, that it might as well be love, for the sheer power or strength you put behind it to bring those feelings out.
The opposite of love, is surely indifference; you simple don’t care anymore, it doesn’t matter to you, you don’t ‘feel’ anything, it’s almost irrelevant.
I did love my ex-husband. However, I am not sure if I ever truly fell ‘in’ love with him, for me to fall ‘out’ of love with him!
But I knew my feelings for him became less and less, as time went by. It had become a vicious cycle, I saw too much of his ugliness, to appreciate what good was left. The endless number of futile arguments/ discussions/ debates, always about the same things, took care of that. And they seemed to revolve on a quarterly basis. I got tired of having the same conversations repeatedly, that would eventually, (in spite of any initial well-intended attempts to achieve balance again), lead nowhere. Until another 3 months or so passed, and we would have the same conversation all over again, each time trying to gauge if we had moved forward, backward or stayed the same. I never felt any motion.
In the meantime, he continued with ‘his’ life, and I neither moved up or down on his agenda. In fact, I always told him that I took position no: 8, in his life. It was a position I soon realised I had to learnt to accept, there was no point in insisting I be higher up than that. It was made abundantly clear to me, that his work, his hobbies, his friends and his family came first. Always. And on those very few occasions when I held his time or attention, I began to question his sincerity, doubted his actions, and always knew there was an ulterior motive. He had a “get round to it” attitude, and that was used toward me as well. So therefore, I always had to wait – for everything. But if I didn’t put him first? Oh my goodness, he became like a brattish child, constantly whining, and wanting attention.
I wised up to his game a long while back, and every time these ‘chats’ happened, I took another step further away from him, creating distance in all senses.
I should have heeded my silent alarms, that in fact this was his second time round.
All the time he was busy blaming his ex-wife, I couldn’t help but notice and acknowledge reasons, why she would have been unhappy; and why things had perhaps gone wrong for her. He was completely blameless, of course. As he had said himself, he just “worked his arse off”, to earn a living. But that was all he did. Even when she was suffering with depression, and needed his love and support, he did nothing. He gave her no support, no help, no love, no kindness whatsoever. And then wondered why she picked up and left, leaving him behind with 2 kids. Especially as it was after a number of affairs on her part, and they had been ‘trying’ to ‘save’ their marriage.
I once said to him about 4 years ago, that he was repeating his own history, his own life story all over again. He was shocked by my intuition, but then he always was. But he was never ‘ready’ to talk about his previous life and marriage. Even after 16 years of being with me, he still took no blame, and still couldn’t bring himself to admit that he’d ‘fucked up’. Harder still, was his denial that he was doing the same things to me. But in the end, it cost him dearly, he had already started the process of losing me… about the only thing he ever actually got round to doing.
You can spend a life time with someone, and still never really know them. Or you may have suspicions about certain personality traits, and wonder where they came from, what was the influence for a persons’ behaviour. But all the time we are happy, we never really see the ugly side, and we certainly don’t go looking for it. But it’s when things are not so good anymore, for instance during or after an argument, that we notice their negative qualities. That’s when we see their selfishness, tightness, temper, and experience the venom they can spit or speak – I suppose all the qualities of hatred.
My ex, became very ugly. Ridiculous almost, with some of the things he did to ‘get at me’. Initially, I was so hurt and frustrated by his actions. I couldn’t get my head round why he could do the things he was doing, or the fact he would sink so low. But each time he did something, it usually backfired, which meant he was the one left worse off.
But it didn’t stop him, even now that we are divorced, (but forced to live under the same roof), he still does petty things to wind me up. He is like that child, forever burning his fingers, and I wonder why he still hasn’t learnt.
I had learnt my lesson well with my ex, I had learnt him well, I had seen the hidden dragon on too many occasions to ignore its’ existence. But he didn’t frighten me, not with his words or his actions. He already knew he had no way of winning any war with me, so he just made things awkward. He knew all the time he lost his head, I just got stronger. I refused to respond to him in the way that he wanted. And that made him even more angry, but there was nothing he could do with his anger, to hurt me.
At this point, I was physically in a bad way, my health problems were savage and prolonged. But I truly believe, that he was relying on my fears, that:
Would all be enough of a deterrent for me, to stay put to continue with living this life.
But I had become brave. And all because ‘the lady who saved my life’, asked me one simple question:
“Why are you with him?”
That question burnt a hole in my heart. As the only answer I had to give, was that I felt responsible for him..
I had picked him up when he was down on his knees, and somehow I still felt responsible and continued to do so. That was the wake up call!
So, he never had a clue just how elated my heart felt, on the day when I told him:
“We don’t have a marriage anymore”.
I had known it for so long, but finally I could no longer hold the words back.
When a relationship is ending, someone has to be responsible and admit that it won’t work anymore, that you’ve come to the end of the line.
No one wants to be the be first to say it.
But someone has to.
Sharon Carter-Wray
(7thJanuary 2015)
To this moment, that day has been the most significant one in my life to date! There are course other meaningful days, but none that made me realise the absolute power I hold within myself.
That day, brought about a change, that would be forever lasting. It was the day, I took control of my life again, and decided that I valued my happiness over all else.
So now, whomever enters my life, has to keep the smile on my face and not wipe it off. Simple as that. Sx ❤️
Link to: I thought you were my hero
Woman
You know not your
Own strength
Or the power that
Truly resides
In your hands
You have the universe
At your finger tips
And the world
At your feet
Understand your value
Know your worth
You are the reason
That man
Can walk this earth
Sharon Carter-Wray
(11th January 2018)
First published 2nd July 2018
All my latest artwork based on the the theme of ‘ladies’, all stem back to the originals that were completed 20+ years ago. This was a time, when magazines were in full force and there wasn’t access to computer images online. Back then, I would find photographs and transform them into black and white images or silhouettes, using pencil, charcoal and ink.
For many years none of these pictures were ever displayed on my walls in my old house. But a few months ago I uncovered them whilst doing a ‘life session’ , and realised they deserved a place to hang in my new home, as a reminder of the person I used to be. This encouraged me to pick up my paintbrushes again, and I am so pleased I did! Sx
The original ladies 1
A3 Art paper
Created using: pencil, charcoal and painted with black ink.
Link to: The original ladies- The collection
If you are interested in any of my work, or have any queries please feel free to contact me using the form below. 🙂
This new life
Built from empty promises
And broken dreams
Is going to be
The making of me
This new life
Belongs to me
There ain’t nobody else
Ever going to clip
My wings again
Or try to cage me
This new life
Came at a price
That no one else could pay
But things would have
Been very different
If I’d chosen silence
And didn’t leave
But stayed.
This new life
Is all about me
I’ve learnt
What it means to be happy
And that only I
Can set me free.
Sharon Carter-Wray
(Tues 16thJuly 2019)
It has taken me many years and thousands of words to get to this point of my journey; and now that I am here… I couldn’t be happier.
Until recently, I had never been brave enough, to showcase my written word to the world. But after posting on another site and getting a positive response, it seemed that launching my own site was the next natural goal to achieve.
I have only got this far, because writing is something that I love, and I have been so encouraged by readers around the world.
This is the start of a new journey for me, and one I want to fully embrace. I am not sure how successful I will be, but I can only try my best and hope that my words reach far and wide.
So, my goals for this site are as follows:
I would like to think that these goals are not unreasonable or unreachable, but please wish me luck!
Sharon Carter-Wray
(2ndApril 2018)
It’s now been 18 months since I created ‘a beautiful mind online’ and oh my, how I have grown since then!
I do remember having to think long and hard, about what I really wanted to achieve by creating this site. Initially, I had only planned for this to be a place to publish my written work, but as time passed; I also returned to my creative roots. And it soon became apparent that I needed a place to show my many lovely creations as well, and so my goal became to create a one stop shop for everything I do..
My self confidence has been restored, and even though I am frequently floored by illness, it has confirmed that I am still capable of many things.
So, on the whole, I feel I’ve done okay. And in spite of health and other factors hindering me, I have still persevered and have gone from strength to strength.
I would like to say a big thank you to you – all my readers, likers and followers, because without you guys, this would all mean nothing. And for that, I am very humble and thankful. Sx ❤️
(Sunday 14thJuly 2019)
If you are interested in any of my work, or have any queries please feel free to contact me using the form below. 🙂
I am very good
At economising
But sometimes
I even do it with myself…
Sharon Carter-Wray
(Thursday 11thJuly 2019)
The key to
Understanding me
Is that I am
A complicated woman
But one
With very simple needs.
Sharon Carter-Wray
(Sun 7thJuly 2019
Link to: The liberation of Sharon Carter-Wray
Give me one good reason why
I shouldn’t have
Given up on you?
Turned my back, walked away
To start over and begin anew?
Give me one good reason why
I should still give you my time
To listen as you share
Your woes and dreams
Even though you won’t hear
One word I speak about mine?
Give me one good reason why
I should have spent my time
Living in your shadow
Being unnoticed and
Blocked by your shade
When all I wanted
Was to glow and shine?
Give me one good reason why
I should’ve stayed
When everything around
Told me to leave?
Your silence may have quietly
Wanted me to remain
But it’s in your words and actions
That I truly believe
Give me one good reason why
I should’ve believed in you
While you have so little
Faith in yourself?
You’re driven by a fury
There’s no room for anything else
Give me one good reason why
I should’ve loved you
Laid myself out, bare on a plate?
You had your turn, you picked over me
Then pushed me to one side
You had my love once
And now it’s just too late
Sharon Carter-Wray
(Tues 26thFebruary 2019)