A temporary glitch

A temporary glitch

I am so tired of being let down

I am so tired of other peoples’ stupid drama

After all that I have recently been through

What has been making me happy

Has now saddened my mood.

What lifted me up, has dropped me down

Without a hint

And without a sound

I’ve always questioned, if I give too much

But I know I am wrong to ask

It is in my nature to be kind and true

I cannot curb what comes so easily

Or pretend to be anything

Other than just me

I know I will get over this spell

Disappointment will wash away

My confidence will be rebuilt with an extra shield

My heart will be lifted again

And my smile, with reinstate itself

It is just another temporary glitch

Just like the person who caused it

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Sunday 7th October 2018)

Straight from the heart: 26. At last

Straight from the heart: 26. At last

Today, I think I can safely say we have sold our house; our buyers have already booked to have their survey carried out in a couple of days time.

I am still not sure how I feel about it.  I know that I am excited, but somehow I am holding back on my jubilation, just in case it all goes ‘tits up’ again.  But, I should feel reassured, as they are putting their money where their mouth is; but until all that is done I am finding it hard to really express my joy.

It is really the best news I could have hoped for, I have been quietly praying for this for some time now.

What it means to me

It means that at last, I can finally move on and start my new life, which I have been desperate to start for well over a year.

It means that I can finally start to breathe again, knowing that peace will once again reside in my tortured soul.

It means that I can finally start to formulate plans on where I am going with my life.  I am looking forward to building my new nest, I have been out window shopping so many times and seen so many lovely things, but have kept my hands deeply inside my pockets.

It means, that at last; I can start a new history, leaving this unhappy one behind.

It means, that at last; I will have a space to call mine again, that I can fill with all things pretty.

It means, that at last; I will no longer have to look daily at a face, that has borne me such pain.

It means that at last; I can live a life without someone else’s baggage, constantly dragging me down.

It means at last; I will be free to spread my wings and fly.

It means at last; I can be me again.

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 20th January 2015)

Update:

I remember so well, how I was feeling when I wrote this.  I was literally at the end of my tether; almost at breaking point.  There had been enough false hope, and my ex was playing a dangerous game, because he knew that once the house was sold; he was really going to be on his own once again, after over 18 years of being together.

But, I had lost all trust in him, and knew in my heart that if we didn’t sell, there would be a very good possibility of losing our home entirely.   He was so vindictive and callous, I believe in a way he would have been happy if that had happened, as it would mean he had taken everything from me.  And that is not something I was prepared to do, because he had already cost me a lot.

At last

On April 15th 2015, I moved into my new flat.  It wasn’t in the best condition, but I knew I could turn it into my new home.  I still don’t know how I managed to do it, it was a really difficult part of my journey, because I was so ill, weak and exhausted.  But within a few weeks this flat was transformed.  I didn’t have to buy much, because I’d paid for everything at the house, so it was all mine anyway.  However, I let him go with the bare essentials of furniture that he needed to get going.  And of course, a sum of money from the sale, for which he really was not entitled to, but it meant that we could be over and done with quickly.

To me, it was a small price to pay for my sanity and my health.  Before I met him, I was debt free, then for 18 years I was burdened by his financial carelessness.  Thankfully, I am back in that position now, and there are neither red letters through my letter box, nor wolves sniffing around my door.

But, I can now say that I am happy with my life.  I am happy with who I am, where my life is at right now and where it’s going.  My health is still an on-going concern, but at least I don’t have all the stress to deal with, which was making me so much worse.

I have said for a long time, that there is nothing I want or need, that money can buy, and I stand that by whole-heartedly.  Sx ❤️

Straight from the heart. 26: At last. Image: it's never too late
Straight from the heart. 26: At last

On the road to homeless

On the road to homeless

There is a man I see

That has been brought to his knees

I have watched

His steady decline

Over a long period of time

When I first saw him

He was at the start

Of ‘Homeless Street’

What brought him there

I do not know

But the progress he’s made

Has been long and slow

 

At the beginning

He still had his self-respect

But now

He has nothing left

He’s given in, he’s given up

He has no standards to keep

Because the taste of alcohol

Is way too sweet

It’s takes the edge off

All the misery and pain

And maybe in a bottle

He’ll find himself once again

 

But for the moment

He has let go of a life

He used to know

He doesn’t care for

Other peoples’ thinking anymore

Why should he?

When they don’t care

If he’s just got a box

To use as a blanket

Whilst sleeping out in the cold

How much longer he’ll survive

Is any ones’ guess

But I can’t see him

Ever growing old.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Thurs 22nd Nov 2019)

Note: This poem is based on an actual person, whom I have witnessed go through this process, and it has been very sad to watch.  But, it is also a reminder that there is a lot of us who walk on a very thin line, literally just surviving from month to month.  And this could so easily happen to anyone of us.  Sx ❤️

I, am not an easy person to forget

I, am not an easy person to forget

I, am not

An easy person to forget

Though my presence

May be gone

Memories of me

Definitely live on.

So many times

I have been revisited

By many who

Have walked away

Only to somehow

Find their way

Back to me again

I seldom cut ties

I am not an easy person to forget. Image: 39195241_1855545171188908_1715933924032512000_n
I am not an easy person to forget

I let the strings

Grow long

For unfinished business

Or for things left undone

They have been

Touched by me

So, they have to come

Words spoken or not

How I made them feel

They all have

A tiny part of them

That only I can heal…

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Tues 22nd Oct 2019)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letting go: 11.  And finally…

Letting go: 11.  And finally…

In closing, I had no idea that I had so much that I needed to get out of my system; before I enter into this new year.  All I do know is that I have to let my demons go, and leave them where they truly belong, in the past.  They have haunted me for too long, and they have no place in my plans or where I’m going next.
Tonight, I will toast myself at the last stroke of midnight, and kiss goodbye to those painful ghosts of the past.

Letting go. 12: And finally...

Tonight, I will be raising a glass to what a truly amazing and remarkable woman I am and have become.

Because tomorrow, is indeed a brand-new day in a brand-new life for me!

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Sat 31st December 2016)

Update:

In a couple of months, it will be 3 years since I wrote the series of ‘Letting go’.  At the time, it marked a very important period of my life, when I seriously looked at my health, my life and the people in it.  In order for me to grow, I recognised and knew that things had to change.

Thinking back, I had been facing and overcame so many difficult obstacles, both personal and physical.  Some have been completely eradicated from my life, but there are some that still take me by surprise.  But, I am only human, and cannot safeguard myself against everyone that doesn’t understand or appreciate me.  When I read back over the words that came from me, I realised that I had been carrying the pain and weight of some many things.  Luggage, that wasn’t mine, so it’s no wonder why I felt so utterly deflated and exhausted by it.

I had no idea what life would truly hold for me when I was young, unknowingly to me, my physical health problems had already begun and depression had made a friend of me.  Both these things, eventually took a greater hold of me as I aged, but essentially the person I was, never really changed.

Letting go: 12 And finally... 2 Image: board-1754932_1920
Letting go: 12 And finally… 2

In spite of the battles that I have fought, none have truly defeated me.  Instead, I called on my ‘free spirit’ and I have fought alone, to become the woman I was meant to be.  Never have I allowed my issues to define me, I’ve remained positive, focussed and have worn a smile, even though smiling was the last thing I wanted to do.   And I am so proud of her/me today, because this is who I am.0

And I am only best at being me.

For a long time, I have said and totally believe that:

“No matter what happens in my life, I have dealt with far worse already”.

Sharon.

(Tues 22nd Oct 2019)

I know who I am

I know who I am

I know who I am

I know who

I am meant to be

It has taken years

And many people

To fall away from me

For me to see my truth

And seek my

Own true destiny

Too many times

I have trusted too much

Believing a friend

To be a friend

Only to be let down

Once again

And oh my God

Does it hurt!

That feeling of betrayal

I never thought

I know again

Thought I’d ridded

Them from my life

But it seems

There are still some

Left hidden behind

I will speak my words

You speak yours

But let my words

Be repeated in truth

And not behind

Closed doors

Don’t make my words

Become yours

I know who I am

I know who I am

Meant to be

I know the meaning

Of the word

‘In-teg-rity’

Question that

Then you question me…

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 4thSeptember 2019)

 

 

 

 

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