Just another box

Just another box

So many times

I have searched

And sorted

The corners of my mind

Rearranging pieces

To find a better fit

Attempting to create

A different picture

That is far

From the truth

Brightly coloured

Shards of glass

Though pretty

Still draw blood

Flaunting my mistakes

In spite of

My wearing gloves

They did not come

From a place of love

So many bad things

Have been packed away

In boxes labelled

‘Closure’, ‘What the Hell?’ or

Simply ‘Not today’

Boxes, that I hope

I will never reason to

Ever open again

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 17thMay 2019)

Link to: Life laundry

 

 

It is a heavy thing…

It is a heavy thing…

Don’t know where to begin

But it is a heavy thing

Weighing on my mind

Words that should be said

Feel heavy

And falter on my tongue

Remaining unspoken

Upon my lips

And silent

Within my heart instead

 

It is a heavy thing I bear

The weight of others’ woes

When none of them

Ever enquire

About my own

But I am to care

Feel their weight

Feel sadness, pity

And empathise

Obviously

Appearing whole –

Complete in their eyes

 

It is a heavy thing

That I hold deep inside

There’s little appeal

When I see their

Concern for others

And the motives

That lie behind

It is a heavy thing

That they will never see

My torment

Or the tears

I dare not cry

 

It is a heavy thing

To not say

How I really feel

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Thurs 9thMay 2019)

Link to: Letting go…

 

 

 

I am enough

I am enough

I am enough

I do not need to be told

No man will complete me

No money will

Make me whole

 

I am enough

As I stand here

So mighty, so tall

Many have tried

To break me

Many more have failed

Thinking I need them

To blow wind in my sails

 

I am enough

I have nothing to prove

And just as equally

I have nothing to lose

 

I am enough

See that I am a Queen

For that is whom

I have become

I need no crown

No sparkly jewels

I am armoured plated

By life’s unfair rules

 

I am enough

I am strong and proud

And like a true warrior woman

I will shout this out loud

Sharon Carter-Wray

(6th January 2018)

I am enough artwork

 

Still waiting

Still waiting

I’m still waiting

For the day to come

When I will

Rise up and be free

Of all the mental chains

That still restrain me

I’m still craving

Patiently and longingly,

For that special

Kind of love

People speak of

So openly

I’m still waiting

Desperately

For that someone

Who is my soul mate

My mirror image

One who will confirm

We are meant to be

I’m still waiting

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Friday 26thApril 2019)

 

Letting go: 9.  Romance

Letting go: 9.  Romance

Romance etc, has been on the back burner for some time now.  However, there have been moments with online dating sites, when I thought I was ready to take that particular leap of faith again, only to find myself hot-footing it back again.  So may be I am not quite ready to go down that romantic path or find love again just yet!

Being fragile

It’s obvious to me, why there are still many fragile parts of me, that still feel raw and very vulnerable.  No one, is left untouched or unmarked after leaving a long relationship, especially if it was an unhappy one.  But to many, my pretty face and smile is enough to have hidden away all my heartache. UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_12b

It has made me into a very different woman, not one to openly expose the lack of romance in my heart or broadcast my sadness.  I am not as accepting or as tolerant as I was before.  Going through the motions, just for the sake of being with someone, is not me, things have to be real.  Enough time has already been wasted with the wrong people, I don’t anyone to drain me anymore.  I am a grown woman after all and I’m in need of love!

Dating sites

Time spent on dating sites, have been nothing but soul destroying and have further disillusioned me.  What does it really say about us?  Why is it that we have to resort to online sites to find romance, companionship, love or whatever it is you might be looking for?  I have seen thousands of faces and read thousands of profiles, but only a handful have ever sparked my interest; and even fewer have really turned my head.  But none of them, have actually been who they say they were.  They have all ended up being a bit wolfish in spite of their cute ‘lamb’ disguise.

The ones who have taken a chance and messaged, have been rude, derogatory or haven’t read my profile beforehand.  If they had, they would clearly see that because of intention, height, age or location, they are unsuitable.  Nevertheless, they still the take the chance anyway and believe there is a possibility of a relationship… of any kind.  Maybe they think they’ll catch me on a good day, when romance is high on my agenda and I might overlook such important details!

UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_93I have given dating sites a good go, but I haven’t quite lost faith that I will find my true love.  For me, all my senses need to be fired up.  I won’t get that feeling from a photograph or a few lines.   I have to meet someone, size them up and feel their vibes, otherwise there is nothing.

No more kissing toads

When I first signed up on a dating site, I did so whole-heartedly.  Unfortunately, it didn’t take long before disappointment set in.  I didn’t find love or romance, but something else entirely.  I have to confess I am not prepared to kiss any more frogs or toads.  So for the moment, I will leave things to chance and hope I meet someone the old-fashioned way.

It will happen, when it’s the right time for it to happen, and there’s no point in rushing or pushing myself to be ready, before I actually am.  So, I will patiently wait for my Prince to come along… who will hopefully romance me the way I like.

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(31stDecember 2016)

 

Update:

In spite of my feelings about using online dating sites, I continued to persevere.  Even though I haven’t met my so-called “Mr Right” yet, I still have a romantic belief that there’s a possibility that he’s out there.

They want to chat forever, but never meet…

Over the last couple of years, I have engaged in a variety of conversations with a variety of different men.  Some chats were cut short very quickly, some eventually fizzled out, and some the conversation is still going.  However, regardless of the nature, so far none have led me any closer to what it is I seek.  Love and romance still elude me, as it seems they want to chat forever, but never meet… I still can’t get my head round that!

I am neither expecting or looking for a guy to charm me, wine and dine me, or financially take care of me.  But what I do expect is for them to respect me.  Using dating sites have been both very frustrating experience and a real eye-opener at the same time.  Having been off the market for so long, it has certainly taught me an awful lot about men.   In turn, I also recognise that there is a lot of behaviour I will no longer tolerate or accept.  In particular narcissism, ignorance and arrogance.  I am not saying that I am anything special, but I do know that I am far from being an average kind of woman.  One who is fully aware of what I bring to the table, and what I’m not looking for.

I know my own worth.

I could be so many things

There have many requests made of me for anonymous sex, to be a dominatrix, to be a mistress, a booty call. I have even been offered money to spend a night with someone.  I could be so many things, but this that’s not what I’m looking for.  If I took up every offer of sex, I could be a very busy, tired but busy gal.  I have received numerous unrequested ‘intimate’ photos, as though somehow a ‘dick shot’ will suddenly change my mind!  But now, I return the same favour, if a guy sends me a photo of dick, I send him a photo of another mans’ dick, and see how they like it.  It’s worked an absolute treat so far!

Hiding

I don’t want to sound anti-men, far from it, but online dating sites have changed how people interact with easy other.  People become brave, because they are hiding behind a screen, it’s gives a false sense of confidence, as if anything goes.  Men who would normally never approach me, some as young as 18, are all willing to give it shot.  If only they would just take a few moments to read my profile, it would save both their energy and effort.  I have even had arguments with guys, who refuse to accept the fact that I am not interested in them.  The type who turn nasty, because they can’t deal with rejection, even though it’s for obvious reasons like location, height, age etc.

But I’ve had enough of guys thinking that just because they are not in front of me, it doesn’t matter how they behave toward or speak to me.  Some have been down right rude and perverse, but it makes me smile to think they actually believe their approach might work.   However,  I am always polite and respond in a nice way, one they can clearly understand.

There have been a couple of guys, who have broken the surface of my skin, but few have resulted in actual meeting.  So here I sit, still alone for the moment but still looking.  I will not give up looking or stop hoping.

He who is meant for me, is still out there… Sx ❤️

Go

Go

Go

Fly so high

Set yourself free

Do not be held back

By another’s mediocrity

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 24th April 2019)

 

Damaged

Damaged

No one can see

The real damage

That has been done to me

I do not wear it

Boldly on my sleeve

I am not looking

For kindness

Or empathy

I know who I am

It’s not what I need

But just because

You can’t see my pain

Doesn’t mean

It isn’t there

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 24thApril 2019)

Cravings

Cravings

I crave for something

So simple

Yet so hard to find

A man who wants and needs

Not just my body

But also my mind

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Weds 24thApril 2019)

 

 

Restless in my mind

Restless

In my mind

There are many questions

That rest uneasy

In my soul

But doubting myself

Is not one of them

I see myself

In another’s eyes

And wonder

What do they need from me?

What purpose do I serve?

Is it one

That I would be happy

To compromise?

Or make a sacrifice again?

If it means me

Being less than I am

Right now?

Sometimes

The moment has passed

Sometimes it never comes

And I feel restless

Caught somewhere

In between the lines

Of words spoken

And unsaid

Asking myself

Should I leave well alone?

Or see where it heads?

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(Sunday 21stApril 2019)

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