Oh Adelaide!

She laughed and sang

And danced and played

Oh my sweet Adelaide, how

She picked daisies

To make a long chain

Each a memory

Of those old forgotten pains

 

She looked so pretty

Among the flowers and the grass

In her white summer frock

And her new straw hat

She dreamt as the trees swayed

The child in her smiled

At the chain she had made

 

She looked upon her lap

At the petals She had plucked

‘Maybe next time’ she thought

And gave a gentle sigh

Then crossed her fingers

And looked to the sky

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(15thMarch 1986)

13. Keeping pace with pain support group

Yesterday, I attended a Keeping Pace with pain group at St Andrews Church in Southampton.  It had been suggested by my key worker, that I might find it beneficial in some way.

So I trundled along not really knowing what to expect, and I am really pleased that I did.  I was made to feel so welcome, and they were all very friendly people.

This session had a speaker- Fran Hodgson, who is a chair bound yoga teacher.  Fran, herself is very inspirational and has a very happy disposition.  At first I thought we would be doing stretching exercises, but instead we were chanting.  But these chants were sung rather than spoken, fortunately I found my voice and was quite tuneful!

It was a real eye-opener!  The whole experience was so uplifting, and I felt really good afterwards. 

They only meet once a month, and each session they do something different.  Every person there suffers from chronic pain in one way or another, but the time was not spent talking about it, which was really refreshing.

I will definitely go again!

Sharon Carter-wray

(16th September 2011)

I continued to attend this group, and others that subsequently grew from it, and I still find it uplifting, especially the art group that also meets once a month on a Tuesday.  This group is completely free to attend, and is run purely on donations.  Unfortunately due to ill health I have been unable to attend this year, but hope to start again in January.

If you have any local support groups like this in your area, that may give you social interaction, it’s worthwhile checking it out, if it’s available.  Sx 🙂

(Updated Tuesday 20th November 2018)

The sleeper

Someone turned a

Light on in me

Someone opened the door

Now the darkness has gone

If only for a moment

I don’t know what to do

With a portal in full view

Should I just walk through?

Sharon Carter-Wray

(21st May 2009)

 

Words that had to be said

I am not proud

Of the words I spoke

And right now

I am not proud of me

It was all so wrong

At the time

It was all such a waste of time

I cried real tears

I was feeling real pain

But the person to whom I spoke

Talked as if it were a joke

So no, I am not proud

Of being a fool

Of breaking my heart open

For ridicule

I am not proud at all

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(16thAugust 1993)

Secret journeys

I have found once more

The inner child of my soul

That I had believed was lost

So many moons ago

I look upon my mirror

And I see the reflection of my youth

Surrounded by the halo

Of her inner spirit

Where did she really go?

Did she ever leave at all?

Was I really so different then,

Was she?

The halo, I still grasp within

Thought faded might be the glow

That like my dreams

I will never let go

Still I travel upon

The complex network of life itself

Willing me to reach for more

Just like the woman/child

That I still hold inside

 

And now,

Sits the woman she became

Still so many miles away

Upon her secret journeys

Drifting from one destiny to another

Still hoping to find the right one

Holding on to her dreams

As if they were made of glass

No tenderness too great

To save them slipping from her grasp

And what of the dreams

She so blindly carried

Do they still bear the same values

As before?

Or did they like her

Also grow?

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(26thDecember 1992)

Deep cuts

It would have been foolish of me

To ever believe that I would never

Feel this way again

My smile has crumbled

Into a quiet depression

And I wonder when I’ll be a

At peace with myself again

A few thoughtless words

Meant to show appreciation

Warped themselves to me

As ingratitude

And I was wounded

So deeply

I could not speak

Could not release

My share of poison

So instead

The anger will save itself

For some other time

 

Oh what a lot of anger

To bear inside…

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(1stNovember 1992)

How many ways do I love you?

How many ways do I love you?

You make me smile

You make me cry

You hurt me

And then you apologise.

 

Just how many ways do I love you?

I crave your touch

I crave your smell

Sometimes I long to reach out

Just to stroke your skin.

 

Just how many ways do I love you?

That sometimes it is only

Your voice I need to hear

Even though it might be

The wrong thing that you say

 

Just how many ways do I love you?

You sadden me

Then you make my heart rise,

But only when

You see the pain in my eyes.

 

Just how many ways can I love you,

Before you realise?

 

Sharon carter-Wray

(24th December 2003)

Free me

I’ve tried so very hard

To please,

To do the right thing

But was it right for me?

I stared in the face of something ugly

But was too scared to turn away

So I kept on looking

Still trying to do the right thing

I tried to run, to walk away

But my life feels likes it been

Trussed up and entangled

I wanted so much

To scream out, run wild

But I was too afraid to hurt

Another’s persons’ feelings

Another persons’ pride

But why, when they spared no

Thought for mine?

I couldn’t pretend

That I could be brave

That I didn’t still feel

The hurt and the pain

It could have been just yesterday

And there it was being taunted

In my face

I know I am not over it

I still cared

The friends I thought I had

Have disappeared on the wayside

Now allies with my foes

It didn’t happen to them

It wasn’t their pain

So how could they know?

Why should they understand

Something so insidious?

So underhand?

I know I need to rise above it

I need to still grow

To rid myself of bad things

But the one that holds the key

Still has a hold of me

I know the time will come

But not how soon

The big confrontation

That lays ahead of my life

Will give me the answers

To all my questions why

And I need to know

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(22nd February 1993)

You walked away

Do you have any idea

Just how much you hurt me?

Each time you forget

To just think of me

I feel so gutted

So empty inside

And it was so easy to do

I left myself open wide

I am so helpless, and so weak

I can cope with the absence

But not when we don’t speak

 

You’re hurting me

More than I can describe

But only because

I believed in you

And the depth of your love

But even though

You say you still care

You still turned your back

And walked away

 

I’m blindly chasing

All those pieces again

I don’t know why

I’m holding out for you

For any other by now

I would have left

Standing alone

Still smarting from the sound

Of my painful truth

 

But a part of still believes in you

Even though you so callously

Let me down

We both have just as much to lose

But you are breaking my heart

With disappointment and frustration

All rolled into one

And I don’t know

If I could ever forgive you

For what you have done

 

Sharon Carter-Wray

(3rdApril 1993)

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