You don’t know what it takes

To be me,

To walk in my shoes

With painful feet

To stand so tall

With back straight

Hoping and praying

That I won’t fall

You don’t know what it takes

To be strong

To paint on a brave face

And wear a genuine smile

Just to face a world

That doesn’t want to see

What’s happening inside

You don’t know what it takes

To get back up

After tumbling so far down

When all my body wants

Is to lay there and be still

But my mind won’t give up

And nor does my will

You don’t know what it takes

To start over

At such a ‘ripe’ old age

To leave behind an entire life

To shoulder all the blame

To walk away and turn my back

Never to tread

The same path again

You don’t know what it takes

To be gripped with pain

From top to toe

Every. Single. Day

To forget what normal is

And be grateful if

Nothing else nasty

Comes my way

You don’t know what it is

To do without

The things you take for granted

To get up and walk

To stand so tall

To be so strong

To have fallen down

To become alone

To get back up

To be in pain

And still be thankful

You don’t know what it takes

To be me

Sharon Carter-Wray

(26^th March 2018)

The footprints you left behind

Still tread and trample

Across my troubled mind

Your dirty feet left

Heavy prints in the sand

That I tried to wipe away

Using my bare hands

The track marks lead

Straight to my heart

But now you have no part

In a place you once belonged

Because you left it in the dark

And though that love has gone

And I feel for you no longer

In spite of that

Somehow it made me stronger

Memories I hold of you now

Are not so sweet, because

I was burdened by your weight

Whilst standing on my own two feet

The time we shared

Cost me very dearly

Your footprints left burn marks

Both mentally and physically

That scorched and scarred me

Quite severely

I don’t want another

To tread your same path

I won’t let another

Cause more damage to my heart

I am glad it was only

Your footprints that you behind

Because as time passes by

You’re being erased from my mind

Sharon Carter-Wray

(25^th March 2018)

Life plays funny games

You may think

You have walked a mile

Until you look back and see

That you have only come

A few paces

We all aim for that light

At the end of the tunnel

But we do not know

That we are walking

In the wrong fashion

One step forward

Two steps back

So each time we look ahead

The light

Grows smaller and smaller

Until eventually

We are plunged

Into darkness

Sharon Carter-Wray

(15^th March 1985)

I have lived on a shelf

For far too long

Never, have I asked,

“Who put me there or why”?

But now that I do,

I am convinced it was down to me.

Either, for my own protection

Or because, it gave a better view

I have watched a lot of life unfold,

I have seen inside some empty souls

All the drama, the words, and

The bad decisions made;

The love, the lies, the deception

And my futile cries

I have seen a lot, but,

I have felt even more.

But each new event

Was bottled up, scrutinised

And then stored.

I can only see it now,

Because I came off that shelf,

It became a lonely place to be.

My God, it took that long,

For me to understand

That my life was really ‘missing’ me

I had played the game,

With grace and integrity

But like a bystander,

Watching from behind the scenes

I knew there would come a time,

When I had to take the lead

So with a good dose of self purpose, and

The great desire to save my own soul,

I have set out once again,

Intending to make myself whole.

My collection of memories

That had caused me so much pain,

Gave me the reasons and the courage

When it was time, to walk away.

Broken as I was, and fragile as I still am,

The most gracious thing I did,

Was to embrace all the blame.

My heart is still aching,

But my mind is so clear

Never will I go,

On that shelf again

Sharon Carter-Wray

(13th January 2015)