Dear mother
Give me strength
To fight this soul destroying
Battle within myself
For I fear, you will not be able to
To mend the broken pieces
If I should break
Too many shattered pieces
Have been stolen from my life
For me to be complete
So help me start over again
To replace the lost fragments with new
Give me the strength
Not to let bitter memories
Invade my being
Let me hold onto the good times
And forget the bad
Tell me that my wanting more
Has not been my downfall
But my gain
And tell me that I am still a survivor
That I am not beaten yet
Put the faith back in my veins
That I once had in myself
And pray
That I will not give up or give in
Tell me believing that
All will be good in the end
Is still worthwhile
That I am not sailing
On some incredible dream
Assure me that these
Black moods are a way of life
And that I am not
Just feeling sorry for myself
And stay with me long enough
So you can see for yourself
That I am not a failure
Sharon Carter-Wray
(31st October 1985)
Sadly I lost my mum on the 29th January 2009, she took her last breath with me by her side, this was followed two months later by the death of my sister.
Now, some 9 years later on from these events I still feel the pain of that loss, maybe even more so now than I did before.
So love your close ones people, you just never know how long you have them for! Sx 🙂
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Published by Sharon Carter-Wray
I have been writing since I was 13 years old and I am now 52. It all began with a writing poetry project for school, and it has continued to evolve. It was a time that coincided with my brother’s seriously ill health, and his subsequent death from that illness; and writing was my way of dealing with that.
As part of a ‘Life laundry’ exercise about 20 years ago, I destroyed a large part of my written work, mainly because I finally understood how it tied me to a place, that I never wanted to revisit again in my lifetime. It was also the mark of a turning point, recognizing my continual growth and healing.
I find that writing is a way of releasing thoughts and untangling my complex mind, it always nourishes and makes me feel better. Even if sometimes my own words bring tears to my eyes. But I have noted over time, that the tears have become less. Even if the subject that caused them still hurts.
In more recent years I have created and write for my own blog, called “Journey through a painful body and depressed mind”, as well as contributing to an online mental health site called “Mental Movement”. Both of these have witnessed my deepest and most desperate moments, whilst dealing with my own issues of depression and my failing physical health.
I have written hundreds of poems over the years, expressing everything from joy, deep sorrow, bereavement to starting over again; it is definitely something I do when I need to restore balance. And they are written on all sorts of things, whatever was available to me at the time when the words chose to pour out of me; so they amount to quite a collection.
I used to say that, “if anyone were to pick them up and read them, they would be holding ‘The book of my life story’ in their hands”. And that is still true to some degree today, but now I also express myself through my art & creativity, and the beautiful things that I create.
A lot of what I am posting, was written as a teenager over 30 years ago, so please note the date at the end of each entry. However, in most cases, the contents are still very appropriate and ring very true today.
I always knew back then, that I was wise beyond my years, and looking back now it’s almost as though I already knew what lay ahead of me. It’s as if my words were the very seed of my true vocation, as now I believe that writing is very much a part of my future and something I must do.
I have only ever shared my written words with a few people in my life before, but now I feel brave enough to put myself out there and share with the world.
I hope you enjoy.
Sx
View all posts by Sharon Carter-Wray
20/07/2018
Poetry
blog , feelings , healing , honest , Hope , inspiration , life , love , pain , poems , random thoughts , relationships , sex , truth
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